Send My Love
by TheWonderYears
Summary: Ending up with the attention of the millionaire heartthrob playboy doesn't mean the rules change for you.
1. Chapter 1

**I.**

Going to work sucks.

But yanno, since Naruto wants to like, _eat_ in the near future, and have warm water to wash his ass every morning, he's going to go. That doesn't mean he has to like it. No sir. He's going to complain the entire time to himself, or maybe his cat, but in the end he's going to do it because he's not rich and famous and waving his hand limply and saying "I don't want to" isn't the end of it. It doesn't work like that for people like him, who have to resort to eating cheap ass ramen noodles two days before payday because they balled out the rest of the week like a dumbass.

A shame, really.

So he pulls himself out of bed with an overly dramatic groan, wincing at how his bones crack—seriously, he's only 26, is there someone he can talk to about his geriatric joints? This can't be normal—washes, combs his hair, stares in the mirror—disassociating a little, naturally—pours food and water in the bowl for his cat and gets ready to leave for the day.

Someone alert the presses, Uzumaki Naruto is out of bed.

He passes by the coffee shop on the way to the metro station. He's going to stop in again, because he's not good with telling himself (or anyone else for that matter) no. Even though the coffee's burnt and more money than coffee should ever be, he's going to go get some because he'll pass out without it. He's weak to it.

He's weak to a lot of things, ok? His mother's round-doe eyes when she wants something from him, chocolate chip cookies, late-night Netflix binges, the color orange, and drama to name a few. Coffee's probably on the top of his list.

No, that's not right. His number one weakness texted him last night and he fucking missed it because he just _had_ to go to bed at 11pm like a boring old man.

There he is, captured in 16:9, perfect IPhone quality, holding up his shiny new prize won from one of the most-watched award shows in the country.

Uchiha Sasuke, Rock Star, millionaire heartthrob playboy, People's Sexiest Man Alive 2016—on the cover of magazines all throughout the year, stylin', profilin' and…..not Naruto's boyfriend.

He looks so happy, with his tongue ring on display—eyes crinkled up and signing the horns to whoever's behind the camera. He should be; he worked so hard for that Album of the Year win. He was probably bursting with pride when that shot was taken, maybe on the verge of tears (even though it isn't his style), and drunk as shit.

He's also not Naruto's boyfriend, by the way.

Not that that's important or anything, but it needs to be said.

Hey, it's not like Naruto _minds_ or anything. What they're doing? It works, it has worked, and hopefully it will _continue_ to work. They do this super-duper mega hush-hush ultra-casual thing where Sasuke comes back off tour or impromptu visits to Italy or whatever and he blows out Naruto's back for three days straight and there's a whole lot of Thai food in between, then he dips out in the cover of night without so much as a _duty calls, baby_ and he rides like the wind (bullseye!) onto the next show.

Sasuke's one of the most famous stars in the world, so it's to be expected, right? He's in a cool band—sang hundreds of songs in front of millions of screaming fans. He's been on TV shows, had cameos galore in all kinds of movies, He's That Guy, the "It" guy. And what he and Naruto are doing? It's just fucking. Don't get him wrong, it's really good fucking, ok? Definitely something to write home about to mom. 10/10 would recommend. But that's all it is. See, just because you hook up with the It Guy, doesn't mean anything is going to be different. And that's what he's learned to live with.

Yeah, it works.

And Naruto doesn't mind.

So, he opens up his camera when he gets to the metro station and copies his pose—holding up his coffee cup near his face like it's a medal, and sticks out his tongue and snaps it before even thinking about it.

 _Adorable_.

He gets back almost immediately, with the little saucy smirk emoji and everything. It doesn't make a tiny smile grace his face or his chest flutter with excitement.

It really, really doesn't.

Okay, I know what you're thinking, and you're wrong.

It's not like _that_ between them—it really, _really_ isn't.

See, it started like this:

Some would say Naruto's the "Friend to the Stars". Actually, a lot of people say that, because it's kind of true. His best friend since birth, Sakura—just SAKURA now, no last name, she's that fucking cool—is a singer with more number one records than England's had kings. His best friend since middle school, Ino, is a world renowned actress and performer. Hell, even Kiba's a stuntman so he might as well be considered a movie star since he's always doubling for them.

And Naruto? He plans events. An….event planner, if you will.

Awesome, right?

 _Shut up_ , leave him alone, it's a good job, alright? It pays the bills and allows his cat the medium grade kibble, so it's good in his book. Besides, it allows him to always be around a lot of famous people, who recommend him to more famous people, who let him come to even more star-studded events (not planned by him) as the cool plus one because he does such a good job. Too bad that's never made him like, rich, but whatever.

Anyway, he makes a good living and his stats get boosted every time he throws a big-buck, super important soiree for friends of friends so he's really not complaining. It's how he met Sasuke.

Two years ago—Jesus, has it really been that long?—he'd thrown Sakura the engagement party to end all others. There was music and dancing and laughter and Naruto couldn't enjoy _any second of it_ because he had to make sure everything was just as Sakura wanted it. She's his best friend after all, his longest running, and this was the precursor to her getting married, for fuck's sake! He couldn't mess this up or she'd never forgive him. So of course, the entertainment was late. Typical musicians, can't ever do anything right.

And that sucked, because he had a near-acre of scenic botanical garden that was full of artists' right at his disposal. But they were the guests, so he couldn't very well ask one of them to hop of stage and start singing a ballad, now could he? No, of course not, so he just had to grit his teeth and hope for the best.

The "show" wasn't supposed to start for another 45 minutes anyway, but he was slowly losing it because everything else was in its right order and accounted for. This was the centerpiece for the party anyway, and he might've actually wept if his phone hadn't buzzed with the call from the lead singer of the band.

They were called The Spells (yeah, don't ask him, he didn't make it up) and when Sakura was first starting out she used to open for them. They were some weird indie mystic mumbo jumbo band but that didn't matter because that's how Sakura and Lee met and Sakura wanted to start off her marriage by having them belt out her favorite songs for like, 10 minutes, and then leave again. Not that Naruto cared because he didn't care for their weird indie mystic mumbo jumbo shit either way, he only cared that they Fucking. Got. Here!

So anyway, he's on the phone with Styxx (the leader singer)'s personal assistant—the fucking douche of the century, this guy—trying his hardest not to start screaming at the top of his lungs because he can basically hear the guy _shrug_ over the phone, when he runs straight into Sasuke. Literally. Almost bowled the guy clean over.

They'd never met before this. Sasuke was very much so on the friend of a friend of a stranger's status to him before. Sakura invited him last minute because she said he was a "cool enough guy" which meant she either had a crush on him at some point but it didn't work out, and/or that there'd be even more paparazzi clamoring to get in than there were already once they learned Sasuke was in attendance. He's not stupid, ok? He knows these things, and he knows her.

That's not to say that Sakura wasn't ecstatic that Sasuke showed up even though she said he was just "cool". He'd been capital H huge for a long time with a massive following and Tumblr blogs named "Sasuke Sightings" and other nonsense dedicated to finding out where he went to get his groceries. And Naruto just fucking….bumped into him on accident and felt like dying because _oh my god he was going to get sued_. He was going to get sued so hard and have to live on the street because he probably just scuffed the shoes of one of the biggest stars in the world and he couldn't afford to replace those even with this rich person event, not by a long shot, and he just embarrassed Sakura and she wasn't going to speak to him anymore because he touched one of her more important friends without his permission and gave him middle-class melanoma or something (is what Sasuke would probably say) and and and—

But Sasuke just catches Naruto's arm to keep him from stumbling—seriously, Sasuke's built like a brick wall, what's up with that?—and raises a perfectly arched, delicate eyebrow at him.

"Whoa." He says, and _holy shit_ his voice is hot. Naruto's heard it on TV and in recordings and all, but it's nothing like the real thing. "Where's the fire?"

"Sorry!" Naruto rushes out, covering the mouthpiece on the phone. "I wasn't looking where I was going and—"

"You're Naruto, aren't you?" Sasuke says before he can get another word out. And the sky opens up and buck-naked babies descend with ribbon-wrapped trumpets because hey-yo, a rock star knows his name. Even though he's not a groupie or even really a fan, that's a big deal.

(That's a bit of a lie; he's totally a fan, but we'll get to that later)

All Naruto can do is blink at him dumbly, maybe with his mouth hanging open a bit, which makes Sasuke's brow furrow in confusion. He tilts his head to the side like a puppy and Naruto dies inside a little more, but for a different reason.

"Sakura's friend, right?" He questions, unsure. "She told me about you and that you were running this thing, and I thought I had the right person."

Naruto shakes himself and nods enthusiastically, maybe a bit too much because he sees Sasuke's lips tip in a bit of a smirk.

"Yeah, I mean yes, you do. You do have the right person. I am Naruto, yes." He says stupidly, like a dumbass, holding his free hand out for the other man to shake.

Sasuke full-on smiles then, taking Naruto's hand in surprisingly delicate fingers. He must Aveeno the hell out of those things.

"Sasuke. But I'm sure you already knew that." Sasuke says easily, giving Naruto a subtle once-over.

"It's kind of hard not to." Naruto quips back, and he doesn't almost giggle when he says that.

He could stay there forever and just stare into Sasuke's really expressive dark eyes, but he hears a muffled "hello?" from the phone and he curses his luck. Damn his responsibilities! Let him be a fan for a moment, goddammit!

"Shit! Sorry, it was really nice to meet you, Sasuke, and I'm sorry to cut this short, but I—"he starts, but Sasuke raises that eyebrow again and cuts him off.

"Who's that?" Sasuke asks, tilting his head again. Shit, Naruto probably offended him, right? He probably can't believe that whoever's on the phone is more important than meeting Sasuke. Honestly, Naruto can't believe it either.

"Well," Naruto starts, swallowing hard. He puts the phone as far away from his mouth as he can. "You know the band "The Spells"? So they're supposed serenade Sakura and Lee today as like, one of the main sources of entertainment but they still aren't here and I haven't even been able to actually talk to _them_ —I've gone through each one of their assistants now and I'm sort of freaking out as of right now so—"And he doesn't even get to finish his sentence before Sasuke's plucking the phone out of his hand and putting it to his own ear.

Naruto makes a noise in the back of his throat that sounds vaguely like a protest but Sasuke's got this determined look on his face so he can't get the words out.

"Hey Aaron, it's Sasuke." Sasuke says and wow, of course he knows them. Of course. "Can you put Jeff on? I know he's there. Thanks."

Naruto hears a muffled and vaguely alarmed cry "Mr. Uchiha!" and cranes his neck to listen further.

Sasuke smiles, but it doesn't look all that friendly. Naruto wonders how much experience he has with these guys and why they know each other. First name basis? With even the assistant? Nice. He combs his brain to see if he can recall any collabs with Sasuke's group, White Snake and The Spells. Currently, he's drawing a blank. Huh. Questions for another day.

"Hey." Sasuke says after a beat. "Bring your ass, Jeffery, we don't have all night. You're getting paid for this and for once in your life be a decent human being and do what you're told. You know what happens when you piss me off." Sasuke snaps curtly. He turns away and Naruto can't hear what "Jeffery" says back. What, hold on, is that—?

"The weirdo pseudo-Satanist lead singer of The Spells is named Jeffrey?" Naruto whispers, half to himself. He flinches, momentarily forgetting where he was, but Sasuke snorts and throws a grin over his shoulder at him.

"Yeah, yeah. Ok." Sasuke says. "Bye." He hangs up the phone and hands it back. "They'll be here in 10 minutes."

Naruto could kiss him. In fact, he almost does. But he controls himself and does a little dance instead. Sasuke's grin smiles wider and Naruto could die right now and be the happiest man alive. Or dead. Or…whatever.

"Oh my god, thank you, thank you so much, you have no idea how long I was on the phone with them and you just, like, did it in five minutes, I cannot believe—"He cuts himself off, mid-praising hand swoosh, a little embarrassed because he's rambling and Sasuke's giving him that look like when you see a cute kid in a onesie at the grocery store.

"Don't worry about it. Musicians are assholes. All of them. Yes, even me. Especially me." He says with a chuckle and a flippant hand wave. "And Sakura sent me over here anyway because she saw that you were worried about something and she wanted me to find out what it was so I could report back to her."

Of course she did, that traitor. How dare she not believe in him even though he was maybe on the verge of failing!

"Still, thank you. I really appreciate it." He almost slips and adds _what can I do to show my appreciation?_ Set with a stupid eyebrow wiggle and everything, but refrains. Sakura would actually kill him if he boinked one of her guests under the buffet table, or anywhere on the grounds for that matter. Not that he'd actually _do_ that, or anything, at least not in broad daylight.

Speaking of Sakura, she decides now's the time to flounce over, long maxi dress swaying in the wind. She's a little tipsy and smiley like she always gets, and uses her whole hand to palm Naruto's face so he'll look at her.

"Naruto!" She exclaims, like he's not right beside her and like she didn't just accost him five seconds ago. "I see you've met Sasuke!"

Naruto's a tad bit annoyed at her cutting off his conversation with Hottie McHugeDick over here (at least that's what the magazines say and he wishes he could find out), but she's so cute and a little drunk and he loves her dearly, so he sets one of the flowers right that are woven into her cotton candy hair and smiles softly at her.

"I sure have." He says. "And he's a terrible secret agent by the way, gave up his mission in two seconds flat." He sends a wink over to Sasuke and feels like singing when Sasuke winks back.

Sakura gasps in fake outrage and slaps Sasuke's arm playfully. "Geez! You were supposed to be getting info out of him not the other way around!"

Sasuke shrugs and smiles good-naturedly. "What can I say? Those blue eyes got ahold of me and I just started spilling state secrets." And good god, it wasn't even that funny but Naruto's laughing like a dainty school girl and Sasuke's just smiling wider and wider and he sees the gears turning in Sakura's head like she's missing something before she wizens up and starts tugging on Naruto's arm.

"Well, I'm glad you two are getting along!" She says cheerily. "But, c'mon Naruto, I want to introduce you to someone else!" and before he can say anything else she's dragging him away instantly.

"It was nice to meet you, Sasuke!" He calls back over his shoulder with a wave and sees Sasuke mouth _another time_ and oh, there's that damn smirk again. His stomach _does not_ tighten at that. Not at all.

"Don't go there, Naruto." Sakura whispers in his ear warningly. He tries not to jump. "That is the absolute last thing you want, okay? You know how he is. Everyone does."

Well shit, Sakura, he doesn't know how he is (in bed) and that's exactly what he wants to find out. But she's doing her patented pout and he can't argue with it so he lets it go and lets her believe that he firmly won't go there.

Which he doesn't.

Because they don't see each other again for months and then Sasuke's invited to another event that Naruto does, this time for Ino's baby shower.

Kiba's stuffing his face with dainty Hors d'oeuvres while Hinata tuts close by and Naruto's getting a little sick watching him eat, so he's looking out of one of the windows in her mansion—fuck everybody he knows for being so goddamn wealthy, ok?—while the party's in full swing around him. Everybody's belly rubbing and showing off the cute outfits they bought for the baby, even though he'll grow out of them two days after he's born but whatever, and Naruto's honestly bored out of his mind. The hardest drink they have is champagne since Ino's classy and can't drink anyway, and everyone here is such a different crowd than he's used to (read: pompous) but he can't really leave the event he planned, now can he? Not to mention Ino's like a sister to him and he loves her a whole lot and she'd eviscerate him if he even looked like he was going for the coat rack.

Hmm. He's sensing a pattern here.

He clearly has a thing for assertive women.

But yeah, so he's bored, and a bit lonely since Ino's with all her posh friends talking about baby names and trust funds and a whole lot of things he doesn't have, when he spots Sasuke make his way in. He's laden with gifts and Ino squeals and hugs him. They talk a little bit and Naruto tries not to stare but he can't help it.

He wants to get all up on that. He wants to get all up on that right good.

Naturally, as the party progresses, Ino makes her rounds and makes sure that Naruto has been introduced to people. One of which is Sasuke, who smirks at him and mutters in that deep voice of his:

"We've met." And Naruto does not swoon no he does not.

Eventually he ducks off into the bathroom and checks his phone. No new messages of course, because he's boring and lonely. He plays a quick game of mahjong on his phone and sighs before going back to the party, only to find Sasuke in the hallway waiting for him with his arms crossed.

Naruto startles and kind of…stares, because he doesn't know what to make of this.

"How many rooms do you think she has in this house?" Sasuke asks casually.

"Um…ten, I think, last I counted." Naruto says with a confused shrug.

Sasuke nods and jerks his head towards the hallway that goes deeper into the house.

"Pick one." He says with a smirk.

Next thing he knows, he's getting the life fucked out of him on Egyptian cotton sheets.

Sasuke _really_ knows what he's going, alright? Let the record state that.

He's got Naruto on his back with his legs hooked over shoulders (Let's have some fun and leave it up to interpretation about _who's_ ) and one dainty, yet firm hand is sealed over Naruto's mouth so he won't scream and alert the whole house as to what they are doing.

Hallelujah, praise the Lord.

Naruto's just hanging on for dear life and gasps when Sasuke's move particularly hard. He hears a chuckle above him and it takes him a second to see that Sasuke's raised Naruto's phone up to his face so he can read Ino's no-doubt-annoyed _where the hell did you go?_ As it flashes across the screen. He does so without even the slightest hitch in his thrusts and Naruto's eyes roll back and he swears he sees **God**.

And he figured that'd be the end of it.

He was blown away, got his rocks off, shot to the moon or whatever you want to call it, but he wasn't stupid. He got fucked and now he's gonna get ducked. It's the circle of life, baby.

But no, Sasuke takes his phone number down after they clean up and they go back separately as not to raise suspicion. Sasuke does just fine pretending like nothing happened, but Naruto's blushing and doing somersaults not to look or be around him so it takes maybe another hour of this before Ino's subtly pulling him to the side and hissing:

"Seriously, Naruto?"

Yeah, he sucks at this.

Not even a week later, Sasuke texts him and tells him to keep in touch, because he'll need him for some things he has planned.

Naruto asks, over text, what kind of events he's thinking of doing and is pleasantly surprised (and aroused) when Sasuke replies: _Who said anything about parties_?

And the rest, as they say, is history.

…

But _anyway—_ jeez, he really got off track there, didn't he? But it's relevant to his story, okay? Background always is. Moving right along.

Sasuke's coming over at the end of the week. On Friday. At 8pm sharp.

He's very precise about these things, somehow, even though he has the world's most hectic schedule.

And Naruto's sorta kinda maybe freaking out about it, just a _bit_ , running himself ragged trying to make his house seem nice and tidy and worrying himself about what kind of meals he's going to cook—like Sasuke hasn't been over a million and one times and seen all there is to see, but whatever. They haven't seen each other in two odd months. Or, well, Naruto's seen him on TV but not like, in the flesh and that's nowhere near the same. And Saturday is Sasuke's birthday.

Why is that important you ask? Because they _don't fucking do birthdays_. They don't do meet the parents or come hang with my friends and they honestly, truly don't do birthdays cause good god man what is wrong with you? That's kind of….outside the realm of "just fucking" but Sasuke casually mentioned to him a while ago that he wanted to spend time with him before he went out to his planned party on his actual birthday and Naruto couldn't say _no_ , could he? Maybe, but it seemed kinda fucked up to do so. So naturally, like a dumbass, he didn't.

What reason did he have, really? They were just going to hang and fuck and then Sasuke was going to go be with people he could actually be seen in public with.

Shit, did that sound bitter? It wasn't. Scout's honor.

Sasuke never mentioned it again afterwards, and then they had this long period of not-seeing-each-other which may or may not have made Naruto absolutely miserable, but he's pretty sure Sasuke's still expecting to come over so they can hang and fuck. Makes sense right? Yeah, he's agonizing over it. Like….a lot. Because, if you didn't know, this isn't his boyfriend or anything and he's not sure what to do for his birthday. He's going to make a cake because he thinks Sasuke will appreciate something handmade (even if it's going to look so, so shitty good god) and he got him a gift but the buck stopped there.

He shouldn't be so pressed about this anyway, it's not like—

Then, naturally, during his oh-so-important train of thought, his phone buzzes and he's snapped back to the nearly empty outdoor metro station and feels his bubbling excitement (over the thought of another text from his…weakness) die an ugly death.

Because it's not a text from Sasuke, but it sure is about him.

Okay, so it's not weird that he gets text alerts about him and all things White Snake right? He is a fan after all, and likes to be in the know. Shut up, okay?!

But this alert, yes, it's not a good one. Naruto's been keeping an eye on this budding situation for the last few weeks since it's been in the tabloids and he's been dying to ask Sasuke about it but doesn't want to go there because it's not his business. Not really, anyway. Maybe. Yes? No.

 _Superstar Sasuke's New Beau_? The headline reads, with an obnoxious flurry of reaction emojis following it.

Gag him with a spoon.

It's followed by pictures of Sasuke walking beside this white haired guy and they look comfortably close and familiar. No big deal; Sasuke knows plenty of people and can be fairly friendly when he wants to be. But the newest picture is from yesterday, before the award show, and they're out shopping, heads bent together and Sasuke's pointing things out to the mystery man.

Cool, cool.

Then there's one from last week—whoever wrote this article was very helpful by putting the dates on the pictures in an abhorrent font and even worse coloring (hot pink)—then one from two weeks before then, and a month ago and—

Yeah. Ok.

So Naruto just kind of….stares at it for a minute in silence, just looking. Absorbing, he should say. Cause obviously, this is news to him. He's doesn't want to make assumptions but, before he even thinks about it, he screenshots the article and starts to compose a text, rattling off a quick:

 _Damn, does this mean you aren't coming over Friday?_ :)

Smiley face and all!

It's not like he's upset. No, not at all. He just doesn't plan on being a shady side piece anytime soon, so they'll have to cut this thing off at the nub, just like that. At least for the time being. It's what he's always done anytime Sasuke's looked like he's getting close to anyone else.

Naruto hits him with the peace sign and a fade to black. That's not how he gets down. Nope. No sir.

I mean, it sucks, but he'll be ok. Maybe lonely as fuck for a few weeks, until whatever's going on inevitably fizzles out. but he'll make it just fine. This thing they do? It works.

His phone rings almost immediately.

Haha. Chump.

"Yo." He says. He doesn't have to look. He knows who it is.

But serious enough for a call? Hmm. Interesting.

"Naruto." He says in that odd tone of voice he uses whenever Naruto getting…like he does. But he's not even doing anything right now! It was just a simple question! Out of curiosity!

Naruto can tell exactly what face goes with that right now: his eyebrows are pushed low enough to almost touch his eyelashes and his mouth is in a firm flat line. It's kind of hot. But that's not really saying anything because his face is general is just hot and expressions don't change that.

 _Naruto,_ he'll say in that wonderful deep voice of his, and then a _I'm not—/ it isn't—/that's not_ — and Naruto will nod and pretend like he believes him but his brain is secretly side-eyeing him and going mhmm, sure.

"Naruto, it isn't—"See? Told you. "—like that. He's my personal assistant."

Wait, what? That's a new one.

He bites down a scoff and replies: "I thought you said you didn't need a personal assistant?"

He can almost hear Sasuke roll his eyes. "I don't, but Itachi thinks I'm disorganized and "encouraged" me to reconsider."

Ah.

That makes more sense.

When your brother is also your manager you tend to listen to him. Naruto's never met the guy, but he seems kinda…no nonsense and intimidating. He's also maybe kinda the only person Naruto would consider hotter than Sasuke at the moment, though he'll never tell him that. Not that it matters, since the guy's fairly straight as far as he can tell and that's what he's heard, but if he so much _looked_ at Naruto like that he's throw himself on the nearest bed and go to spread his—

Not important.

What Itachi says, goes, especially for Sasuke since he has him wrapped around his finger like a midi ring. It's endearing. Kind of. So the story adds up. It's not something he'd need to lie about, anyway, and honestly he doesn't have to explain himself to Naruto at all for any reason but it's cute that he thinks he does.

"Oh. Ok." He replies casually. What a fucking relief, seriously.

"His name is Suigetsu and he's been dating some girl for the last four years and he's not at all my type." Sasuke says like it's necessary. Naruto chuckles.

"Why not? He's attractive. Those teeth aren't, but he is."

Sasuke laughs loudly and it makes Naruto grin. He feels the need to hide it even though the other man can't see him.

"Don't be an ass." Sasuke chides playfully. "He's cool, you'd like him. But there's nothing going on. You know that. You know anyone I'm seen with is automatically my boyfriend."

"Yeah I know." Naruto replies.

"I would have told you." Sasuke says lowly. The " _I wouldn't do that to you_ " is also sort of implied. But he won't say that. Neither of them will. What he does say is said seriously and kind angrily, like Sasuke's a little peeved Naruto would believe he'd be dating someone and still be setting up regular Ass Appointments with him.

He rolls his eyes, forgetting again he's on the phone. "It was a _joke_ , Sasuke." It wasn't. "I know you aren't with him and I know you wouldn't do that." He didn't. He fell for it; hook, line, and sinker.

"Cool. I'm still coming over, if that's cool?" Sasuke asks like he thinks he's mad or something. He's…not? He's not.

He scoffs. "Of course it is." Whoa, calm down there a bit, buddy. "I'm going to make you a cake and everything." He says, feeling a little shy now that's he's told Sasuke part of his plan.

"Can't wait." Sasuke says affectionately, and Naruto feels the warm tingles returning and he warns them off. Back off, you little bastards.

There's a pause, and Naruto feels dread rise in his throat because he knows what's coming and he can't stop it.

Don't you fucking do it—!

"I miss you."

Oh my god!

Sasuke chuckles warmly and he knows the smug asshole is smiling. "I miss you too, Naruto. If you don't open the door in just an apron I'll be sorely disappointed."

"Noted." Naruto says, biting his lip. Good god, let him die. Fucking throw him off a cliff and burn the remains.

"I gotta go, okay?" Sasuke says begrudgingly. He's not the only one that feels that way. "I'll call you after you get off today. Cool?"

"Yeah. See ya…soon."

He gets laughed at again. "Bye."

Naruto stares at the phone in his hand, barely registering that his train pulled up and he can board now. He just…looks at it long after it's disconnected and wonders how this is his life. He gets on the train and stares out the window and thinks:

Yeah, he sucks at this.


	2. Chapter 2

**II.**

He's got everything ready and perfect, so now all that is left is to sit in almost silence (as smooth R&B plays from his mounted iPod on the counter) and pull his hair out. It's 7:45 pm and he's just finished triple-checking everything there is to check to make sure it is right and spotless. Which it is. It was the first two times he checked, too, but he had to make sure _one more time._

Good ol' anxiety, always a killer.

His anxiety is also telling him that Sasuke's going to be late, or not come at all. That he'll find something better to do and text Naruto two hours later like:

"oh, I forgot, so and so called and I'm going to go hang out with them, ok? Also, fuck you."

Which, of course, he's never ever done and probably never would but Naruto's just a ball of nerves right now and his mind can't be reasoned with.

Because this….might lead to something, right? This is totally new territory and he isn't sure what to make of it. He isn't sure that he _wants_ it to lead to anything else—but from the way he's acting he sort of kind of maybe _does_ — and he just knows in his gut that he has to do this right for reasons he can't really explain. Well, he can. He's so horribly attached and a bit of a perfectionist, so everything he does has to be top-fucking-notch or he'll beat himself up for it for literal years.

So he's griping about it internally and thinking about every possible way this could go wrong and suddenly it's 7:59pm and he jumps when there's a knock at the front door. Shit. He was just being a space case for the last 15 minutes and he can't possibly answer the door sexily now, can he? He can try, but it's probably going to come off as awkward.

The knock comes again, a little more insistent this time, and Naruto jumps and strides over to the door, having a moment of panic because what if it's someone else and not Sasuke? If it is, he'll literally punch them in the face because—

The first words out of Sasuke's mouth are: "You wore it." With an appreciative smirk and a trademark raise of his eyebrow.

Naruto grins, shifting around self-consciously in his cliché "kiss the cook" apron (with nothing underneath), tugging it down a bit so he won't get a view of the goods before it's time.

"You said you'd be disappointed otherwise so…" he mutters with a shrug, and the sides of Sasuke's mouth are sliding wider and wider and Naruto feels a _nasty_ blush coming on so he shoves his poorly wrapped present into his hands and all but shouts: "Happy Birthday!"

Smooth.

Sasuke laughs good-naturedly at him. It's all he ever seems to do whenever he's around, like Naruto is just a delight. (He totally is.) He says a quiet 'thank you' as Naruto ushers him inside.

It takes at least 5 minutes to get Sasuke's grubby little hands of his bare ass as he follows him to the kitchen.

Not that he's complaining, but he at least wants him to try the cake first. He's tells him this, and quickly follows that up with:

"And if you say something corny like 'you are the cake' I'm going to slap you." Naruto says before Sasuke can get a word in. At least the other man has the decency to look caught.

"Fine, fine. What kind of cake is it?" Sasuke asks, sitting down dutifully in the chair that Naruto all but pushed him into.

Naruto looks anywhere and everywhere around the kitchen instead of at Sasuke when he mumbles: "Black Forest."

"That's my favorite." Sasuke says immediately, smiling, but then his face turns suspicious. "How did you know that?"

"I didn't. It was a lucky guess, I guess." He replies, trying (and failing) to remain nonchalant. Dammit, why couldn't it be something more common like carrot or red velvet? Now he's going to be totally cau—

Sasuke stares for a second, considering, and Naruto can see the gears working in his head out of the corner of his eye. All of a sudden, Sasuke bursts out laughing.

"You looked at one of my fan pages, didn't you?" He says around his laughter, and Naruto makes a noise of distress and shakes his head.

"No I didn't." He protests a little too quickly, but Sasuke just keeps on laughing.

"You totally did, oh my god." Sasuke says playfully, but Naruto's absolutely _dying_ inside. Because he did, ok? Shut up. Most of it is good, valid information but he'll take the fact that he knows about them (and frequents them) to his grave.

Sasuke tries to smother his chuckles in his fist but he's failing miserably and Naruto's trying to figure out if he can grab the floor cleaner fast enough from underneath the sink and chug it before Sasuke can stop him.

"I know it's kind of weird but—"Naruto grinds out, physically having to stop himself from diving out the nearest window.

"No, no, it's fine, Naruto." Sasuke says, scrunching his eyes up in a way that almost looks painful and sighing happily out of his nose. "You're so cute."

And if he didn't want to bail before, he sure does now. But Sasuke sees this, and stands up to trap him against one of the counters.

"You just wanted to make sure it was right for my birthday, so thank you." And Naruto cannot physically bring himself to look at him because he's almost made himself look like an obsessed fan and not the… _friend_ he's supposed to be.

(Which may or may not be one of his biggest fears about this whole thing. Maybe.)

Sasuke huffs out a small laugh against his cheek and presses a kiss there.

While he still has him trapped, Sasuke cuts a small slice and tastes it, making a pleased noise in the back of his throat.

"It's good." He says, with a hint of surprise in his tone, pushing the rest of the slice in his mouth all at once and Naruto snaps out of his funk and pushes at his shoulder.

"Don't say that like you're shocked, asshole!" he exclaims, feeling a tiny smile coming on.

Sasuke raises his hand up in mock surrender. "I didn't mean it like that!" He says around a mouthful of cake. He swallows and continues. "It's just that you've never made this before and it turned out great. Good job, is all I'm saying."

Bullshit. "Mhmm. Sure. But it's your birthday so I'll let you off." But Sasuke's not even paying attention to him, too busy trying to get another slice.

"Speaking of birthdays," Naruto announces loudly after a few moments so he won't have to watch Sasuke lick icing off of his fingers. It's doing bad things to his brain and focus. "You didn't open your gift."

Sasuke actually _pouts_ , which makes the weird stomach flutters start again, and Naruto mentally stomps them down with a steel-toed boot. "My hands are sticky." He moan pitifully, and Naruto rolls his eyes so hard it almost hurts.

"Fine, I'll open it while you wash your hands off. God, you're such a dweeb."

Sasuke mumbles something that sounds suspiciously like 'your dweeb' but Naruto is convinced he's hearing things.

"So what is it?" Sasuke after he turns around and pats his hands dry on his pants. Naruto actually flinches because those have got to be five hundred dollar (or more!) pants—he saw similar ones in a magazine so it's a good guesstimate—and he just used them like a paper towel.

God that must be nice.

This is actually the part he's been dreading the most, you see, because Naruto couldn't think of anything to buy him. He's rich as hell, if that point hasn't been made already. Naruto…is not. So anything really cool he could think of was way out of Naruto's price range. Therefore, he got creative.

He spent weeks (weeks I tell you!) learning how to make jewelry from his friend Anko so he could create exactly what he saw in his head. So, he made an arm cuff. A white one with little detailed scales and shiny-red eyes, or to keep it simple, a white snake. He knows that Sasuke didn't have anything like that (from extensive study of old out-and-about pictures and stills from his shows)—

It's not weird, shut up!

—so he'd thought it'd be cool and that Sasuke would like it.

And from the look on his face, he does.

"Where did you even find something like this?" Sasuke's asks, taking it from him gently to examine it. "I haven't seen anything like it."

Dammit, now he's going to have to tell him, isn't he?

"I made it." Naruto blurts out, shifting back and forth a little bit. Shit, does this mean that _he's_ the dweeb now?

Sasuke's eyes snap back up to him and he raises an eyebrow.

"You made it?"

Naruto nods. "Yeah, it's actually pretty easy. All you have to do is—" He starts to ramble to avoid having to see the way that Sasuke's looking at him again, like he's seriously something special, but he gets cut off anyway because in the next second Sasuke's trying to steal the air out of his lungs with a searing kiss.

Ok. Now we're in business.

He gets manhandled all the way to couch by strong arms that make him want weep and before he knows it, he's naked and on his back, trying to paw Sasuke's pants off.

"You're so—"Sasuke mumbles against his lips and Naruto's _not_ having this potentially mushy shit so he shuts him up by kissing him harder.

Nope. Nuh-uh. Not today. They've already gone farther into the rabbit hole than they should have and it's high time to pull back.

He makes him goal known by pulling at Sasuke's zipper more insistently and the other man gets the hint, breaking the kiss to sit up and wrestle them off.

Naruto almost slips and says something stupid like "let me choke on it" when he gets a view of that eggplant outline in his boxers, but he's already embarrassed himself enough today.

Sasuke swoops down to kiss him again, still woefully not-naked (to Naruto's disappointment) one hand trailing down to his dick and beyond. He lets out a quick breath against Naruto's mouth, pulling back and looking at him questioningly.

"Did you—"He asks when he feels that Naruto's already a little wet _back there_.

Naruto grins hard at the look on his face. "I did it not too long before you came over, to be honest."

Sasuke looks up to the heavens like he wants them to save him, and bites Naruto's neck almost hard enough to draw blood, sliding one finger inside.

Naruto moans, dropping little kisses on the side of his face as his finger works inside him. Sasuke drags his face up from his neck (which is sure to bruise, Naruto thinks giddily) and goes back to kissing him.

He's about to get his world rocked tonight, Naruto thinks. He can tell by the way that Sasuke's in a rush, like he wants it _right now_ and Naruto couldn't agree more. He's feeling a little devious, so he pulls back and whispers "I missed you." Against Sasuke's ear, earning him another quick breath and another finger, just the reaction he wanted.

He's all set to tell Sasuke he's ready and to get a condom when his soul flees his body because he feels a random, tiny hand press against his cheek. He stiffens, and Sasuke's about to ask him what's wrong when the same hand presses against his face, too.

They both stare at each other for a moment, breaking out into twin smiles as an insistent little meow echoes up from beside them.

Not the worst way to have the moment broken, Naruto thinks.

"Down, Demon." Sasuke says disapprovingly, but once his eyes land on the orange fur ball Naruto's cat takes that as invitation to get all the way up on the couch to try and snuggle.

"Ow. Claws, claws!" Naruto cries as he jumps on his bare chest. Sasuke's sigh is drowned out by another loud meow and they both ruefully accept that Demon will not be ignored.

Damn cat, cock-blocking him.

Naruto gently lifts the cat off of him and Sasuke gives in, reaching down to pet him, only to startle when Naruto snatches his hand out of the air before he gets anywhere close, horrified.

"What!?" Sasuke exclaims.

"Don't pet him with that hand! That's the butt hand!" Naruto cries dramatically. They both burst out laughing immediately after, but Sasuke switches hands anyway and pats his little head.

…The cat.

He was talking about the cat.

Naruto bitterly slides his apron back on as he watches Demon curl up against Sasuke's leg. He can't be too mad, as his little buddy missed Sasuke too. And seeing as how he belongs to Sasuke just as much as he does Naruto he guesses it's only fair.

You see, Sasuke's the reason why he even has Demon, whose name affectionately comes from how much trouble he was as a kitten, mixed with the fact that he's actually orange. Sasuke found him when he was just a baby, shortly after he and Naruto met, and couldn't take care of him no matter how much he wanted to because of his scheduling. He'd feel bad leaving an animal in the care of others for so long so he decided to give him to Naruto, who is a sucker for all things cute and would love this shit out of the little guy. Sasuke pays for toys and special food (that is only in the house when Sasuke buys it himself because Naruto's not paying for that shit) and he even got him freaking pet insurance. Like, seriously. Pet Insurance. Demon has his own little PPO network because of it. Unreal.

So, clearly Sasuke loves the cat and comes for him just as much as he does for Naruto, so Naruto will let them have their little time because he can just lock him out of the bedroom later and have Sasuke to himself for the rest of the night. He lets Demon know this through a pointed look which his cat thoroughly ignores in favor of pressing his face into Sasuke's shin, purring up a storm.

Smug little bastard.

Sasuke runs his hand over the cat carefully, checking for nodes that were there the last time he came over.

"Did you ever find out what was causing his skin irritation?" Sasuke asks.

"Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you last time. Turns out he's allergic to egg so I have to make sure there's none in any of the food he eats."

"Oh, good. I was worried that it was more serious." Sasuke says with a sigh of relief.

Naruto blinks for a second, confused how he went from getting fingered one minute to discussing the health problems of their sort-of shared cat the next.

"What?" Sasuke asks, noticing his look.

"Nothing." Naruto replies with a quick shake of his head.

Seriously. Unreal.

The night stays sort of cool from there, seeing them watching TV in his bedroom and eating cake while they catch each other up on what's been happening with them. Some they've heard before, as they talk often enough, but everything seems new when Sasuke's in arms reach, just lounging on his bed in his boxers with his head propped up on his fist. Every once in awhile he presses his lips to the top of Demon's head as he lays sleeping in a ball in between them, and Naruto just maybe falls in _like_ with him more and more as each minute passes.

At some point, Naruto drifts off to sleep, waking up with a start as he hears the bedroom door close.

"Shit, did I fall asleep?" he asks groggily as Sasuke comes back into view.

"Yeah. It's almost 1am now. I just put Demon out in the living room." He says. He pauses and then waggles his eyebrows. "It's officially my birthday." He says suggestively.

Naruto chuckles softly and holds his arms open for Sasuke to fall into. "Then come here for the second part of your gift." He says in true, over dramatic porn-star fashion.

Sasuke plays along, climbing on the bed and dragging Naruto towards him by his legs.

"Oh, baby, you shouldn't have."

…

When Sasuke's finally inside him, he hates it, because instead of rough and quick like he wants it, Sasuke takes his time and is almost….tender. Naruto doesn't know what to do with tender, no he does not, and he tries to get Sasuke to move faster that the tortuous pace he's set, which only results in Naruto's arms being pinned above his head. Even the grip he has on his arms is gentle!

Goddammit!

"Thank you." Sasuke says in between their quiet breathing.

Naruto cracks his eyes open and stares at him.

"Are you thanking me for having sex with you?" He asks, a little disturbed, and Sasuke shakes his head gently with a smile, causing a few dark hairs to brush softly against Naruto's face in a way that makes him sigh.

"I meant for…all of this. For making things for me and for listening to me and just—thanks."

Naruto's heart breaks a little bit at that, knowing from previous conversations they've had that Sasuke really appreciate when someone just…lets him talk. Not about his fame or his band, just about anything he wants and likes. Like comic books and bad horror movies (a few that he's even been in himself) or how he likes to cook and still has a Tamagotchi that somehow still works. It makes him want to cry for some reason, because he can't imagine how people stopped paying attention to Sasuke as a person and not a public figure.

He wonders what Sasuke was going to say earlier, before he cut him off.

 _(You're so—)_

Naruto's heart is thumping loudly in his chest and he's afraid that Sasuke might be able to hear it in the quiet room, so he tries to lighten the mood.

"I mean, of course you're welcome and all that, but I do find it a little weird that you decide to say that while you're balls deep and everything." He quips.

Sasuke chuckles and ducks his head. "Shut up." He says playfully and starts to move in earnest.

Attaboy, Naruto thinks, and then forgets his next few thoughts.

…

When he wakes up next, at about 7am, Sasuke's face is still pressed into his neck, his arms still tightly around him as the sun's rays begin to break through the curtains.

Some part of him is indescribably happy about that.

Maybe.

…

He's so fucking screwed.


	3. Chapter 3

**III**.

He wakes in the morning again and Sasuke's gone.

That's absolutely nothing new and Naruto actually surprises himself by not feeling like shit when he realizes it.

There's a note on the dresser that tells him that Sasuke had to go to handle some business before his late night activities, and that he'll call him when they can meet next.

He could have woken him up first, you know? Before he dipped out and just like, _said it to his face_ , but it's whatever.

Yep.

Whatever.

At least he fed the fucking cat first.

It's the little things, really.

…

The guy in the bushes is trying to be subtle, but it's really not working. Naruto won't even call him a paparazzo because while annoying, _they_ at least don't somersault through of some poor guy's nice shrubby to get a picture. Usually, they just follow people around at a relatively safe distance—lots of stars have starting throwing elbows of late, it's crazy—and snap away before whichever victim they've come across loses it and breaks into a full sprint.

This guy must be an amateur. Hmmph.

"Stop staring at him, Naruto," Sakura says with a huff right as he's flipping the guy off. "If you look them in the eye it gives them power."

"I _know_." He replied dejectedly. "I just don't get how you can stand it." He says for maybe the millionth time. He just _really_ doesn't get it.

Sakura waves her hand dismissively. "You get used to it." She replied easily…for maybe the millionth time.

Still, it'd be nice to be able to spend time with his best friend in public without having to worry about creeps literally breathing down their neck for the next big scoop.

It's Friday and he's on one of his periodically scheduled shopping trips that he goes on with Sakura in the rich part of town. It's the same strip they've been to a million times but somehow, every time they come, there's a new shop. He doesn't know how it happens—they appear seemingly in the middle of the night and disappear in the middle of the night, too. Is this some kind of weird fashion store power he's unaware of? Life's great mysteries.

Sakura insists that they go out like this even though it must be hell for her to have to bob-and-weave through adoring fans and blinding camera flashes every time they step out together. Comes with the territory, he guesses, but if it were him he'd probably get very comfortable with ordering things online.

"Besides," She says cheerfully. "I haven't seen you in person in _forever_ and I missed your dumb face."

"It's been like, three weeks." He says with a dramatic roll of his eyes, but it makes him smile all the same.

She bats her eyelashes at him. "Like I said, _forever_."

He honestly loves her so much and that's why he's willing to deal with any of this. It's crazy to think that despite how famous and cool and stupid fucking rich she is, she still seeks him out and wants to be seen with him. It makes him feel the warm fuzzies inside and he wishes he could vocalize it in a meaningful way, but he's kind of in a mood, so when they take a break and sit down for brunch—

He hates brunch, okay? He's hates, hates, _hates_ brunch with the passion of a thousand burning suns but all people do here is eat it and it makes him want to die!

—anyway, when they sit down for brunch, all he can say is:

"Also, my face isn't dumb."

"Says you."

"Well your hair is lopsided, so,"

Sakura pretends to be shocked, placing her hands on her chest in fake offensive.

"Wow, rude."

"You started it." He says while sticking out his tongue.

She laughs, looking at him from the side of her eyes. "But you went for the kill! I'll have you know it's an asymmetrical bob."

"That's a fancy word for uneven, babe."

Sakura huffs, pushes at his arm. "God, you're always so mean after you see him."

Naruto blinks at the switching of gears. Classic Sakura. "What makes you think—"

She gives him a pointed look and damn her for being able to see right through him.

The waiter comes then, asking if they want drinks and if they're ready to order. He says no to the drink, because there's no way he's going to get drunk when he's in his feelings like this. No way. Not in public, at least. There's a wine bottle calling his name when he gets home, though.

"…..am I really that obvious?" he mutters once everything's been finalized, a little ashamed. It's kind of true. He always gets all butt hurt (in both meanings of the word) and moody.

"Um…of course you are? Even though I told you that—"

"—don't say it."

"—he's a dick but you keep right on and bumping uglies with him the minute he flies back into town." Damn, she said it.

That's the point though, isn't it? Why he feels upset or whatever this is. Because yeah, Sasuke himself said that he was an asshole but sometimes Naruto sees beyond that. He sees someone sweet and a little lonely who's capable of being really gentle, and then he just turns around and ghosts him in the morning like all that never happened. And even though Naruto knows he's going to keep doing the same thing—being all cute when they're alone and then hitting a clean ass 180 like's he's Tony Hawk as soon as the sun rises—he keeps on treating his body like it's a landing strip for the man.

Tsk.

"Bumping uglies, Sakura, really?" He says with a laugh.

He sees her frown breaking even though she's in Lecture Mode. "Shut up; I don't like saying _fuck_ in the middle of the street where children can hear me."

There's no children in sight so he calls bullshit.

"You just said dick _and_ fuck, though, to be fair." He points out matter-of-factly, snapping his lips shut when she stares daggers at him.

"Don't try and change the subject. What did he do _this_ time?" She snaps, adding emphasis on the "this" like its super drama-filled and meaningful.

He hates that she always wants to talk about his not-relationship like it is one, because A, she just wants to be the first one to know (her and Ino are weird like that) and B, she and everyone else he knows (who is aware of the situation) make it seem like he and Sasuke have the stupid on-again-off-again high school star-crossed lovers dynamic and they most certainly do not.

But this is kind of what he gets for talking to her (or anyone) about it in the first place, right? If he could just like, be cool, and not be an emotional dweeb for once in his life he maybe could keep up this cool thing he's got going on with Hottie McHugedick (hashtag _confirmed_ ) without it coming across like he's being strung along and taken advantage of.

Because, that's the general consensus among his friends, if you didn't know.

He's not sure how they all got there—only informing him after the ultra-secret fireside chat about Naruto's Life that he was decidedly _not_ invited to (go figure)— but now everyone's set up camp for the winter and they refuse to leave.

Great, right?

"….We just hung out on his birthday." Naruto says slowly, like it's killing him inside. The only thing worse than talking about it is not talking about it because she'll just pout and give him the somehow-still-angry-but-also-pitying eyes for the rest of the day so he might as well get it over with.

He sees a shadow of surprise pass over her face—you and me both, buddy—but she quickly recovers. "Really?"

"Yeah."

"And…?" She asks like she knows there's more. Of course there is; it's Naruto's patented Drama ™ after all.

"And we had a nice night," _really_ nice. "But he left in the morning without saying anything and said he'd call me but it's been a week and he hasn't texted or anything since." He replies quickly, like a Band-Aid. Wow, when he says it out loud, that is really shitty isn't it? Huh.

"And you feel like you don't have the right to be mad when you insist that you aren't anything serious but it's really pissing you off?" She phrases like a question even though it's not a question.

He blinks. "You know, you're weirdly perceptive sometimes and it kind of scares me."

"Maybe, but you're the easiest person in the world to read, hon, you just think you aren't."

Fair enough.

"So, what's the diagnosis, doc? Will I still be able to play the violin?" He cracks, trying to lighten the mood a little.

Naturally, she doesn't bite. "Well, you have to tell him that it's a problem for you. Even if you aren't…like _that_ , there's still boundaries that he can cross. Just say 'Hey, if you feel comfortable staying over my house them you should be comfortable enough to wake me up and tell me when you have to leave'. Boom, simple as that."

As if.

Ok, it probably is but he's childish and hates himself so he'll make it harder than he has to.

Tsk.

"It's not that big a deal but I guess I could tell him that," he mutters, but quickly adds more when he sees she's about to go on a rant. "But I'm not saying it until he calls me or something because he said he would and I'm not going to beg for his attention or anything." Not _this_ time.

Sakura purses her lips, and he can tell that she wants to say something else but her drink arrives and she seems to let it go.

For the moment.

It's always for the moment.

"Okay. We'll talk about that more later," See? "But I did have something else to ask you, before I forget."

Oh, something else besides interrogating him about his business? Interesting.

She can tell that he thinks that, as it must show on his face, because she playfully slaps him on the arm as he grins cheekily.

" _Anyway_ , there's this charity dinner I'm going to and I want you to come with me."

"Is Lee not coming?' He asks because while he'd love to have something to do other than watch Netflix and jerk off at night, it's valid to ask because she has a whole husband who accompanies her to fancy shit like that.

"He's busy that night."

"So I'm your lame, pity choice, huh? Rude." He knows he's being a bit of a dick but like he said, he's in a mood.

It doesn't come off as jokey as he'd like, apparently, because Sakura's eyebrows draw together in a deep furrow.

"Naruto, you know that I—"She immediately goes, and yeah, he does know that she doesn't think like that, along with everyone else he knows, but he's got this weird complex that developed once they all shot to stardom. It's kind of hard to explain—or it's not; he feels like the leech-y coattails guy and can't really shake the feeling no matter how hard he tries.

"Yeah, I know Sakura, I was kidding." Maybe. "But cool, when is it?"

She pouts again and gets that weird look in her eye that she gets whenever he starts being this way, but seems to let it go in favor of sipping her mimosa.

(For the moment, at least)

"So…" She starts.

Yep, he'll totally use this opportunity to momentarily forget all about this messy little…thing with you-know-who, maybe mix and mingle a little bit, have some fun. He's never been to a charity dinner before, don't those things cost like $100 a plate? Or more?! It's (probably) for the children, though, so it's worth it, he guesses.

Yep, He won't have to think about him at all while he's eating fancy fish and small birds and shit with Sakura. Not. One. Bit.

…

Except, of course Sasuke's there.

Sakura forgot to mention _that_.

Also, he's wrong; It's _$250_ a plate and all he can think is _man, that better be some damn good steak._

By seven he's all dolled up and ready to go, checking and double-checking his tie because he rarely wears them and wants to be the best arm candy he can be tonight. Sakura's car pulls up promptly at 7:15, like she said it would, and even after all this time he's shocked that she can keep such a precise schedule when it takes him at least forty-five minutes to get out of bed most days and he doesn't do half the stuff she does.

Naruto runs his hands through his hair one last time, and it's actually staying down tonight, somehow, and he thinks he looks…damn good, if he doesn't say so himself. Sakura agrees, if her low whistle is anything to go by when he climbs in.

"You really have to wear more suits, babe." She says appreciatively, and for the umpteenth time he's reminded that in another universe—if she wasn't so into youthful…vigor, and he not into, well, _dick_ , they could have been a kickass couple.

"Right? I'm totally dashing right now. It's crazy." He says as she wipes an imaginary smudge off his cheek.

"So what's the agenda for the night? Who are we snubbing this week?" He asks playfully, once they're on the road. Even though it's not really a joke, to be honest. It's something he has to ask often because Sakura has one hell of a shit-list. Like, a written one and everything. Usually it's for good reason, but sometimes…

Well, Ino ends up on there too, best friend status be damned and Naruto wonders if he's even graced the exclusive list. Probably. He and Sakura get into it all the time about just about anything, and he knows she ignores his calls sometimes when they're having it out even if she vehemently denies it. It's cool though, he does the same, but at least he's honest about it.

"Well," Sakura says fervently, fire blazing in her eyes, "That tacky mangy-looking girl from Widow's Wake tried to subtly call me a has-been in her billboard interview and she's supposed to be there tonight, so you have to stop me from punching her in the face."

"Who?" Naruto asks, because he doesn't even think he's heard of them.

"Tayuya or something."

Nope. Definitely not ringing a bell. "Um, who?"

Sakura laughs. " _Exactly_. Like, don't get mad at me because no one knows who you are. Can't relate."

Naruto laughs with her. "Anyone else?"

She gets a little shifty then, looking away, her ruby-red mouth twisting into the tiniest of grimaces.

"Well…" She starts slowly, totally guilty. Dammit. No.

"No. Don't do this to me." He says in abject horror.

"Naruto—"

"C'mon! The whole point was to get away from…him tonight! You totally knew and you didn't tell me!"

Sakura makes a low whine of distress and he looks away from her round, bambi eyes so he won't fall victim to them. Nuh-uh. Not this time. "I was told he may be coming and now he definitely is. That's not my fault! You know he doesn't announce what he's got going on till the last minute!"

Yeah. You got that right.

Naruto folds his arms huffily and sits back in his seat, entirely put-out. His whole plan is shot to hell because he can't very well flirt and rub up on people if Sasuke's going to be staring him down the whole time, now can he? That'd just be weird and now he's going to be awkward trying to not make it obvious that they've banged so, so many times before to a crowd of people he doesn't know. Great.

Sakura pouts, switching between fiddling idly with her phone and staring a burning hole in the side of his head as he stews.

Handfuls of minutes pass with no talking, until eventually Sakura mutters."…Do you forgive me?"

And Naruto wants to hold out but she's so pretty and he loves her and he's _weak_. "Dammit. Yeah." He says, scooting a little closer.

She does a little victory shimmy and he can't help but smile at that. "Look, babe, you don't even have to talk to him if you don't want to. There will be plenty of people there!" She says, just as they're pulling up. "It'll be fun with or without him, you'll see."

…

It is not.

…

Okay, to be fair, it totally started off that way. He's in a room full of stars and is more than a little star-struck, even though he does a good job of hiding it. Some of the people even know who he is _back_ , which is awesome. He's like, a local hero or something. He doesn't have to stop Sakura from punching that Tayu-girl in the face, because in the time it took for them to get from the car and into the venue she decided it was beneath her, so that worked itself out. He even spots Kiba looking just as nervous and sort of out of place as he does, and nearly skips over to him and they end up yucking it up and talking shit about everyone that passes them by in low tones.

Sakura was right; so far he's loving it.

That is, until it nears the end of the preliminary cocktail hour and it's about to switch over to the actual dinner part of the charity dinner. The Lady Kurenai, who's in charge of the whole shindig, graces them with her presence and informs them of this (and Naruto feels like a right dick because he forgot to ask which charity this was even _for_ ) and the last stragglers—I mean, the _fashionably late_ crowd is filing in, one of which happens to be Ino.

Naruto gets excited all over again, ready to nearly-skip over to her too so they can gush about how good they both look, gets halfway over to her before he looks to her left and promptly and resolutely wants to die.

Sai gives him a look of poorly controlled disdain and says. "Oh, was the employee entrance locked, or something?" Which makes Ino slap his arm none-too-gently.

Ah.

Fucking great.

Now, Sai. We should talk about him, right? What's his problem? Who the fuck knows? When they first met, he took one look at Naruto and said "oh hell no." like, that's what he actually said. He then proceeded to judge Naruto for the rest of that night until they nearly came to blows and the rest is history. He's Ino's other, other best friend and is probably upset about being in third place, but that's just speculation. Naruto has no idea what his damage is. It's really the fashion designer's business if he wants to hate his guts, because Naruto doesn't care either way. He'd just….rather not deal with it, thank you very much.

"Sai." He says, resisting the urge to grit his teeth. Kiba has that covered for him, anyway. "Good to see you."

"For one of us, I guess." He shrugs with a forceful eye-roll.

"You—"Kiba starts, but Naruto bumps his arm in the hopes of getting him to let it go. Thankfully, he does.

"Shikamaru couldn't make it?" Naruto asks Ino instead of dignifying that with a response. Nope. Not today, bitch.

Ino's eyes are equal part apology and irritation. She'll probably chew off Sai's ear later when they're out of earshot for that. Naruto resists smirking. "He wanted to stay home with the baby." She replied, pouting slightly. Now, their kid is two and isn't a baby anymore, but Ino's always been the type to say a _47 month old_ instead of saying a kid is freaking four and old enough to do taxes is so he'll let it slide.

"Ah." He says, and leaves it at that.

Sakura glides over then, gushing with Ino about how good they both look, and then of course that's when Sasuke saunters in.

Well, Itachi does first, commanding everyone's attention just like that and Naruto almost wants to gasp at how good he looks in a tux. Suddenly, Naruto totally feels like a lowly serf playing dress-up compared to him. He's like, a god, and Naruto's really all types of bitter that he's not a card carrying member of the rainbow parade.

And while he's all caught up in making googly eyes at him, he somehow misses the fact that the guy (and Sasuke) are making their way over to them. Sasuke looks totally bored, and damned good with his own tux and hair slicked back. He catches sight of Naruto and does a double take—eyes lighting up for a quick second before immediately dimming again. Uh?

"Sakura. Ino." Itachi says warmly, and Naruto can see the both of them trying not to squeal. Naruto wishes he had that kind of power. Itachi's famous for being Sasuke's _manager_ and doesn't even make any damn music himself, but people would give up their first born to have a go at him. That's like, next level shit.

There's hugs and cheek kissing and Naruto kinda stands there like a dumbass while Itachi acknowledges both Sai and Kiba, before looking over to him, which almost makes his heart stop.

"I don't think we've met….?" Itachi questions in his sexy low timbre, and Naruto thinks he's not shaking in his Stacy Adams dress shoes but he can't be sure.

"We haven't. I'm Naruto." He says evenly. He's honestly so proud of himself right now for being so calm, oh my god.

"Ah yes." Itachi says with an easy smile.

TAKE ME RIGHT NOW. Naruto wants to scream, but he doesn't. He doesn't.

"Good to finally meet you, Naruto. It's always nice to put a face to a name." And Naruto keeps himself from giggling and barely notices that Sasuke's burning a hole in the side of his head.

"It is. I've heard a lot about you." Naruto says so he won't say anything entirely inappropriate. Itachi smiles again, turning slightly to face his brother.

"And this is Sasuke, but I'm sure you already know that." He says with a quiet laugh. Naruto has to smile because Sasuke definitely said the same thing when they first met, and he's about to mention that when suddenly Sasuke's putting his hand out for Naruto to shake.

"Nice to meet you." He says blankly, face devoid of, well, anything really because this is apparently the fucking twilight zone or the outer limits or some shit.

Naruto feels as if he's gotten slapped in the face by someone with the biggest palm in the universe; sudden and painful and wholly unexpected.

Sakura makes the quietest choking noise in the back of her throat at his side, Ino's blinks in rapid succession and he _swears_ he can hear a cord snap somewhere in her mind while he actually can hear Kiba's teeth grinding again.

Oh.

Alrighty then.

So that's how we're playing it? Cool, cool.

But Naruto is a pro and barely misses a beat, taking his hand in a nearly bruising grip and muttering "Likewise." Without as much as a waiver.

He manages to make it through a few more minutes of small talk like it's nothing until Sasuke and Itachi quietly excuse themselves to go catch up with others. Kiba noisily exhales as they watch them go, muttering a heated: "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Why do you all look like someone kicked a puppy?" Sai asks, and Naruto refuses to make eye-contact with him because he just might hit him. "You really shouldn't frown like that, Naruto, you don't want to get any more wrinkles, right?"

"Oh, no reason." Ino says calmly, ignoring the last part of his statement. She may or may not be planning a murder and Naruto really can't tell who's at this point. "I think I saw Shino over there. C'mon, Sai." She says as she pulls him away, giving Naruto a pointed look so he knows they'll be talking about this later.

"That was so fucking rude, oh my god." Sakura says, crossing her arms.

"Did he really just…?" Kiba starts.

"Don't worry about it guys. It's nothing." Naruto says, forcing a shrug.

Because that's what the hell this is right?

Nothing.

Whatever. He's gonna take it in stride. So, they can't know each other in public, and certainly not to Sasuke's brother. That's cool. That's fine. He should have known and he's surprised that he's acting surprised.

" _Musicians are assholes. All of them. Yes, even me. Especially me."_

That's what he gets for not listening to people, he guesses.

At least he gets to sit with Kiba and Hinata. That's a plus. Kiba's basically fuming as they go through the first course because he's adorable and all protective of Naruto, but he's a big boy, he can deal. He just keeps locking ankles with the other man under the table to calm him down and show that Naruto isn't going to burst into a puddle of tears from being embarrassed like that. At least, not right now, anyway.

Somehow, it works.

He ends up sitting next to a somewhat new face. Hinata's cousin, Neji. He…doesn't come around much, to say the least, because he's a big shot director and/or kinda hates his family (sans Hinata). She talks about him a lot and Naruto seen plenty of his movies, but never met him in the flesh.

He's really handsome and Naruto's never seen a ponytail that smooth or posture so good, so he watches him out of the sides of his eyes in between bites of expertly seasoned quail.

"You seem upset." Neji says quietly to him as the rest of the table chats with each other.

Naruto's honestly surprised because he was sure they were going to go the whole night without making eye contact, let alone chatting each other up.

"Uh, I am, I guess.' He admits, cause why not?

"If you don't mind, may I ask why?"

Hmm, how to put this?

"I got my hopes up like a dumbass only to end up looking like a dumbass." He says with a shrug.

Nailed it.

Neji chuckles quietly into his napkin, garnering Hinata's attention cause _holy shit_ , the stern man actually laughed. She sends a pleased smile to Naruto and goes back to her conversation.

"I'm Naruto, by the way." He tells him, because it feels weird to just start talking and not introduce himself.

Neji gives a slow smile that should not be as sinful as it is. "I know who you are."

Yes!

"You're often with Sakura and Ino, as well as being one of Hinata's favorite subjects."

Ah, to be well-liked. This night is really seeing his ego yo-yo, I'll tell ya.

"And you're Neji Hyuuga." Naruto responds with.

"You're familiar with my work?"

"Very much so, and Hinata doesn't shut up about her super cool cousin either."

Neji's eyes get very warm then, and Naruto's treated to a look he's pretty sure nobody sees very often because it's only reserved for those he loves very much. It's really nice.

Somehow, they end up hitting it off, which Naruto would think is impossible because he's pretty sure Neji doesn't talk much at all, but he seems to be engrossed in what Naruto has to say for the next half of the night. At least he's earning points with _some people_ tonight. He seems like a really cool guy and Naruto starts to enjoy himself again, until he makes the mistake of looking around and catches Sasuke looking at him right, or, more specifically, looking at how close Neji and Naruto's heads are.

Oh yeah, he totally forgot.

Those two hate each other.

Like, a lot.

So, Sasuke worked with Neji on a movie once a while ago, and they both nearly killed each other (reportedly) and found each other to be insufferable, vowing never to work together again. It was the talk of the town for weeks and everyone bent over backwards trying to find out what happened between them. Anytime Naruto asked about it, Sasuke would shut up tighter than a clam, so whatever was said to each other must have really pissed him off because usually he can't get the other man to shut up about people he doesn't like.

It really must have been bad.

Oh well, he really doesn't care right now because that's totally not his business, right?

So, he looks away from Sasuke's raised eyebrow and keeps right along talking with Neji. Serves him right, the dick.

Soon enough, there's a break for dancing, and Naruto really doesn't feel like it. For one, he's stuffed. The food was amazing and he actually got (Sakura's) money's worth, and two, his emotions are kinda all over the place and he doesn't know what to do. Sakura's having the time of her life and he wants to go home but she'll never let him. He can't get within 10ft of Ino without Sai insulting him, and he doesn't even want to think about Sasuke.

While no one's paying attention, he slips into the hall and escapes to the bathroom. Sitting on the countertop, he texts Shikamaru the blow by blow of the night, who promptly tells him he's glad he's not there then and that he would spirit Naruto away if he could, which he totally appreciates. Then he plays stupid games on his phone and watches YouTube videos for god knows how long (ten minutes) until Neji's shouldering his way into the bathroom with a slightly worried look on his face.

"Are you alright?" He asks, smiling when he sees Naruto flail and nearly fall off the counter in surprise.

"Uh, yeah." Naruto responds once he's got himself together. "I just needed a minute."

"Still upset?"

"Mhmm." He hums.

"A shame. I was going to ask my new friend to dance, but it seems Uchiha's ruined that for me, too."

Wait, what?

"What?" Naruto asks a little loudly. How the hell…?

Neji raises a perfectly tailored eyebrow. "I assumed you two were involved." At Naruto's blank and slightly panicked stare, he goes on with a sigh. "Don't worry; it's not obvious to others. I'm very perceptive. I noticed your reaction when he introduced himself, and figured that this wasn't even close to the first time you met."

Well, damn. Naruto didn't even know he saw that. "Yeah, it's not."

Neji nods knowingly, stepping further into the bathroom and closer to him. "I don't really have much to say that can make you feel better, but we can talk about it, if you like."

Naruto smiles. What a cool guy, he thinks, he can't imagine why Sasuke hates his guts.

"Thanks. I don't really want to do that right now, to be honest. But I really appreciate the offer. I just….should have known better." He says.

"It's hard to when lines aren't clearly drawn, but I understand." Neji says, more to himself, advancing. "And to continue my earlier statement: I don't have much to say that can help, but there is something I can do." He drawls, placing his hands on either side of Naruto's legs.

Wait, what?

"Uh…." So, this just went left, didn't it?

"Forgive me if I'm being too forward, but I find you attractive and would like to have sex with you."

Well, damn. Ok.

"Really?" Naruto asks, not sure how this conversation got away from him. Weren't they just talking about hurt feelings and dancing and somehow someone this attractive wants to have sex with him?! It must really be the twilight zone.

Neji laughs softly, pressing his face closer to Naruto's. He tries hard not to fidget.

"Yes. Feel free to say no, if you wish. I won't push you. But if you'd like, we could have fun because besides talking to you, this night has been incredibly boring."

Aww, he's so flattered.

Sorta.

But also a bit suspicious.

"This isn't some weird thing to get back at Sasuke, right?" He asks. Not because he thinks he's not attractive enough to be hit on like this, but more because of the relationship the two other men have and Neji doesn't really seem to be the casual hookup type. He's been wrong before though, obviously.

Neji shrug. "If you want it to be, it can. But it's mainly because you're pretty and I want to fuck you." He says plainly.

Alright, well, he's totally on board with with that.

He expresses that by grabbing Neji's face and kissing him, hard.

That's how he ends up panting into the other's man's neck with one leg on the floor and the other around his waist.

He's not proud of the noises he's making, but Neji's very soft hand is around his dick and he's really good with it. He's also hitting Naruto's prostate right on and leaving a mess of red on his neck, but Naruto's not at all complaining because he has the absolute _best_ luck of hooking up with guys that really know what the fuck they're doing.

So much so that Naruto can barely recall his own name right now, where he is or why he's here. Weren't they eating or some shit? Oh yeah.

"Wait, w-wait." He says, eyes nearly rolling back as Neji presses harder up into him.

"Hmm?" Naruto internally gloats a little bit that Neji looks just as out of it as he does, hair a little undone and a line of sweat on his brow.

"We've been gone too long, we gotta stop." He replies, even though it nearly kills him to do so.

"I'll be quick, then." Neji says with a sinful smile, promptly pulling out and flipping him around so Naruto bent over the sink. He pushes back in and sets a brutal pace, and Naruto's forced to look at himself red and blushing in the mirror and he maybe kinda has never been so turned on in his life. It takes Neji's fingers in his mouth for him to shut the fuck up because he's moaning way too loudly and someone might actually think he's being murdered in a minute.

Neji bites his neck one last time and that pushes him over the edge, spilling into the condom at nearly the same time the other man does. They both sag immediately, and the other man takes forever to pull out, seemingly disappointed that he has to do so, which Naruto would think was sexy if he wasn't starting to panic because he knows Sakura will notice he's been gone now.

"Feel better?" Neji asks, kissing him in a way that makes his knees go a little weak.

Can I get a fuck yeah for $500, Alex?

"Yeah."

Another killer smirk." Good."

They wipe down and readjust themselves, pausing for some really dirty kisses and Naruto really considers saying fuck it and leaving in Neji's limo tonight.

"Any time you want to do this again," The other man says, producing a business card with pretty gold lettering. Fancy. "Give me a call."

"Uh, okay." Naruto says stupidly, both star-struck and fucked dumb. It's a very weird feeling that he's oddly used to.

"I'll go back first as not to arouse suspicion." Neji says with a wink. Naruto does not nearly swoon, he does not.

And that would have worked too, if Sasuke hadn't chosen that exactly moment to walk out into the hallway.

"Hey, Naruto, where—"he starts, cutting off with a nearly audible smack when he spots Neji standing entirely too close for this to be friendly conversation.

Neji's smile shows teeth. "Mr. Uchiha." He says pleasantly, gliding past him with a glorious hair swish, making a show of buttoning back up his collar.

Naruto can see when Sasuke catches on, which is almost immediately, and they both watch the other man go.

Fuck.

He turns slowly, eyes very dark and very, very cold.

"What. The. Fuck." He asks, and Naruto can't catch his flinch.

"You're fucking kidding me, right?" he says, and there's a budding tirade coming after that but Naruto's not having any of that shit and won't even give him the chance.

He wants to say some cool one-liner to exit with that will sum up all his feelings and leave the other man gaping, but he's drawing a blank.

"Do I know you?" is all he can think to say, but it's effective enough because Sasuke jerks like he's been slapped and his jaw ticks like he's swallowing down something absolutely disgusting.

Naruto shoulders past him and isn't surprised when he isn't stopped.

He slips back into the crowd without incident.

…

Shit, he fucked up, didn't he?


	4. Chapter 4

**IV.**

Yes, he very much did.

Because that opens up a whole new can of worms. A very ugly can of worms. A can Naruto would not recommend.

The events of Friday night end up causing one of the worst things possible:

A twitter beef.

When he comes back inside, Sakura takes one look at him and _demands_ he tell her what happened and where he was. It's easy enough to tell her that he's upset about he and Sasuke having words in the hall, and skillfully leaves out the whole "I fucked Neji Hyuuga in an upscale bathroom some five odd minutes ago" part that he's certain he's wearing all over his face. See? He's totally good at this kind of thing now. Sakura wants to rip Sasuke a new one, but doesn't even get the chance because they see Sasuke say a few words to Itachi and then they're disappearing off into the night. Not that Naruto wants to talk to him like, at all right now, but he really doesn't know how to feel about the other man not even acknowledging his presence on the way out while Itachi bids everyone hasty farewells.

Wait, yes he does.

Fuck him and his stupid, ugly face and weak, small dick and tiny, mangled baby hands.

Luckily, even though they know he doesn't mean any of this, his friends let him rage on and on about it in the car while they're on the way to the next party, nodding dutifully and adding their own creative insults whenever he pauses to breathe.

Hey, this is what rich people do, ok? They party and party (and maybe party some more) before going back to someone's place and getting even more fucked up. Most days he can't keep up because he's not about that life, but right now nothing sounds better.

Somehow, Hinata even convinced Neji to come along.

Naruto thought it would feel awkward after they just, you know, knew _each other biblically_ , but his brain must be shot to hell tonight because he's totally cool with it.

"What did you give him, Naruto?" Hinata asks playfully in his ear once the party's in full swing. "I can never get him to go out with me, ever. Tell me your secrets."

Haha.

Nah.

So yeah, long story short, they all got plastered and uh, certain people danced together (which led to a lot of raised eyebrows and long stares) and pictures were taken.

"You're a lot less uptight than I thought, yanno?" Naruto slurs in Neji's ear as they grind to the beat, Neji's hands firmly on his hips. He pretends like he doesn't see that Ino and Kiba are openly gawking at them.

Neji smirks and tosses his hair to one side, and Naruto's pretty sure the man just got him pregnant, good God.

"You'd be surprised." he says evenly, which is surprising given how much he's had to drink, too. "But you have keep it a secret, alright?"

Sometimes he fears that's all he's good at.

Naruto barely remembers getting home but vaguely recalls Kiba telling him everything would work itself out and he'd be fine once the happy buzzing wears off and Naruto's faced with how much he kind of wants to die. He even tucks him in. If Naruto didn't love Hinata so much, he'd probably try to bang Kiba too cause he's so awesome and cool and great to him. Geez, that kinda makes him sound like a slut, huh? Well, he kind of is, but whatever.

And that's the end of it.

But of course it's not, because Saturday morning he wakes up and all hell has broken loose.

 _Please tell me you saw it!_

Is what Ino's text reads from two hours ago when he finally returns to the land of the living. He wakes up closer to 1pm but still can't deal with the flurry of reaction emoji's that follow it due to his damaged, muddy hangover mind. He blinks at it, before texting back an eloquent _: huh?_

 _Omg pls check twitter._

Oh no, did he write something last night when he was drunk out of his mind? Fuck.

But no, it doesn't have anything to with him at all.

Well, it definitely does, but it's not of his own doing.

(Debatable)

Once he gets his wits about him, he realizes he has a lot of Instagram notifications, telling him that he's got a shit-load of new followers which, weird, he doesn't remember doing anything to warrant that. But then he sees why.

So those pictures we talked about, right? They weren't incriminating or anything, because it's not like he and Neji made out or started dry-humping in the club. He was drunk enough for that but somehow managed not to. They're kind of…worse, in a way, because Neji never adds that many pictures to his own page and the subject is rarely that of people other than himself or the bit of family he likes, so a picture of Naruto laughing with his head thrown back and his arm around Neji's shoulders, holding a drink, while the other man smirks at him in true, "we're so fucking drunk" fashion is bound to make some waves. Not to mention that Neji's hair down and both of their ties are loose and they look super comfortable with each other with their bodies pressed close.

"To new friends." The caption reads, with Naruto's handle tagged in the corner.

Yeah.

 _Friends_.

He does a little internal dance when he reads all the comments about how hot he is and all the fans asking his name underneath it, which turns into a little jig when he realizes Neji's followed him on both Instagram and Twitter, like a true millennial. So he figures that's what Ino was talking about.

He's only half wrong.

Cause there's another picture, posted a few minutes before, that was taken before they left the charity dinner (and before it went to shit) that shows Sasuke and Neji Naruto's friends and himself, standing together looking regal and super serious in their fancy clothes. At least, that's what _Sakura's_ picture showed when she posted it the night before. Neji's picture is suspiciously absent of Sasuke and has Naruto tagged in it, too.

He fucking Diddy-cropped him out of it.

Oh my god.

Which really must have set Sasuke off, because it didn't take him long to Neji on Twitter and ask him, "Since when do you have friends?"

 _Shit._

This, or course, starts a firestorm of tweets from fans out for blood and yep, a quick google search reveals that there are already articles about it. Naruto decides it's easier to skim through one of these to get everything in a neat little bow instead of traipsing through either of their pages, quietly dying inside.

Why aren't there some interns running their pages like the normal rich assholes do? Who can he talk to about this?!

"Something to say, Uchiha?" Neji tweets him back, even adding an eyes emoji behind it like the magnificent fucker he is.

"Clearly," Sasuke writes back, and Naruto can basically hear the hard edge in his mental-voice while he reads it, "But send your name when you text me because we both know I don't have your number saved."

Oooh, ouch.

"Like I have yours?" Neji fires back immediately. "You know I'm not a fan. Flip phone keypad tones have more range than you do."

The article he's chosen then goes on to ask "Who is Naruto Uzumaki?" and he decides then that he's had enough and stops reading before he pops a blood vessel.

Remember how he said it wasn't his fault? _Well_ , technically it's not because _he_ didn't post them but it was a little petty to get involved with Neji when he knows those two don't get along, right? But he has the right to be a little petty right now, _right_?

He doesn't get to think on it anymore because Sakura's calling him in the next instant.

"WHAT DID YOU DO?!" She shouts, excited as hell because she's a messy bitch who lives for drama. "I can't believe—"

"I fucked Neij, in the bathroom." He says bluntly, because he's nothing if not honest.

"WHAT? When was this? At the club? How did I miss that?!"

"No." he says, pinching the bridge of his nose. He has the worst headache. "At dinner, before we left. Sasuke caught us afterwards and put two and two together."

"Holy shit. Naruto, I—"Sakura pauses, and Naruto waits for it, whatever it is. "—Am so proud of you, oh my god."

Wait, what?

"What?" He asks.

She laughs and he can't understand why because he doesn't find this to be in any way funny. Okay, he really does, but he also feels like a piece of shit and like he restarted the Cold War so he can't laugh about it right now. "I never thought you had it in you! You've always been so stuck on Sasuke and I didn't think you'd go out of your way to screw his worst enemy! He totally deserved it though so don't think I'm getting on you. Way to make him jealous, babe."

"They aren't worst enemies." Naruto mumbles, even though he's smiling a bit because thinking about it, it was a flawless victory even though he's flip-flopping on feeling bad about it. "And I wasn't trying to make him jealous."

Right?

"That's a lie and you know it!"

Yeah. Probably.

He then spends the next hour explaining the story over and over to each and every friend of his who wants the dish, because they're all busy-bodies who also enjoy a healthy dose of drama, hesitating when it comes to Hinata because, well….

But she just pauses and he imagines her shrugging when she says "Oh, that makes sense." Like it's nothing and he's reminded that she is also awesome and he loves her.

You know what's decidedly not awesome? At about 3pm, Sasuke's apparently had enough back and forth with Neji and decides that it's Naruto's turn, sending him a scathing "Lose my fucking number." While Naruto's vegging out on the couch, pitifully sipping PowerAde and refreshing his computer for the freshest buzz.

And he…doesn't know how he feels, forreal this time, because…is it really that deep? Sasuke's literally _dated_ other people while they've been doing this thing that they're doing. Granted, he at least gave Naruto a head's up and they technically cut it off while it was happening—so he can understand him on that front—but still! Where does he get off being so upset like he didn't pretend he didn't even know who Naruto was twenty minutes before the whole thing even went down?! It seems awfully dramatic seeing as how they _aren't dating_ and even with him hating Neji's guts it's not like he played him or cheated on him or anything.

So no, Naruto's not going to fucking deal with this because he knows the other man's game. He knows that Naruto is emotionally weak and doesn't like to argue, so he expects him to call and apologize and swear to make it up to him, just like most other time they've had it out and he's absolutely sick of it.

He hurt his goddamn feelings, ok!?

And he's not gonna stand for this shit anymore.

So he sends the proverbial nail in the coffin by texting: "Who is this?"

He's not at all surprised when the phone rings almost immediately because Sasuke _always_ has to have the last word.

Naruto kind of…stares at it, and really doesn't know what he would say that won't make this worse. It probably a better idea to not talk right now because they're both freshly upset and it won't end well, at all. But he's also not good at purposely ignoring someone he cares about so he flips the phone over and waits it out.

He can just imagine the look on Sasuke's face when it goes to voicemail.

There's a _bling_ of a text not a minute later, and he caves in and looks at it.

 _Cute. Do what you want._

Oh, so he doesn't have to lose his number now since they're still talking apparently? Cool.

"That was the plan." He says, even though he shouldn't. He really can't help it, or the rising lump he's starting to feel in his throat now that he realizes this might actually be….serious. Final.

 _You've made that very clear._

Fuck you, he thinks. "Yeah man, the joys of being single." He says, which somehow feels like a low blow but really it's not. It's not.

Sasuke doesn't respond to that, and he really didn't expect him to. So he just sits there and drinks his PowerAde, proud of the fact that he actually managed to stick to his guns and not grovel for forgiveness at the slightest sign of conflict, even though he didn't really do anything wrong.

But woo, shit boy this was the absolutely last thing he wanted.

Amazing.

…

So yeah, it's kind of… over, if Sasuke's nearly two-month long radio silence is anything to go by. This is the longest they've ever gone without speaking to each other since they met, and it seems that Naruto's been unceremoniously dumped, even though—you know what? Fuck semantics, he's been dumped, and it fucking sucks.

Not to mention that shortly after their falling out, Sasuke started dating Sai.

So yeah, that _happened_.

Like, seriously dating him. They're Facebook official, if anyone still even uses that site. Sasuke clearly one upped him on the "revenge fucking" thing, even though the jokes on him because this revenge plot involves him having to date _Sai_ of all people. He has to admit, though, that it was a good finishing move.

Props for that.

He can't really be sure if they started dating because Sasuke's getting back at him, but the timing is awfully convenient, isn't it?

That means it's totally true and Naruto maybe wants to kill him.

Which one of them? Who knows? Maybe both.

Yeah, definitely both.

He doesn't let it get him too down, though. So it's done. So what? It was bound to happen eventually. Naruto's not stupid even if he acts like it sometimes. Just because the super-hot famous playboy sleeps in your bed and takes care of your fucking cat and tells you you're special _doesn't_ mean you are. He should have listened to his friends and cut his losses while he had the chance, while he wasn't in too deep, and maybe he could have avoided all the pitying looks and frowns over the following weeks after the whole thing went down. It's a small annoyance that he can live with, because everyone's babying him and making more time to see him and Naruto kind of adores the attention because he's feeling lonelier than ever.

At least he's made a new friend out of it. That's better than nothing.

Turns out that he and Neji get along like gangbusters.

They go everywhere together, attached at the hip. Naruto gets to meet some more really cool industry people and Neji takes him to get caviar and expensive sushi while Naruto gets him to go roller skating and to all-you-can-eat buffets because the other man's never been in his life. Shocking, I know.

Who knew that all it would take for him to gain a new best friend was cutting off his dick supply?

Many happy returns.

Naruto figures this is Neji's way of courting him, or something prestigious and fancier than just calling it dating, but that's not the case. They're sitting on his couch one day watching Aladdin (a shared favorite) after another long day out together, Demon curled in his lap, and Neji's running his fingers through his hair and saying:

"It's all right if you just want to be friends, you know."

"Huh?" Naruto grunts dumbly, because they just started A Whole New World and he can't believe the other man is interrupting the iconic duet for this.

This earns him a rumbling chuckle that kinda makes Naruto pregnant again. "I mean that I enjoy being your friend and I know your breakup is still fresh in your mind. I wouldn't want to pressure you to do anything. As long as you'll have me, I'll stick around."

Naruto blinks at him, blanking out on the song and momentarily ceasing the constant petting it takes for Demon not to claw at him.

"Wow, that's, uh, really sweet of you. Why are you so—ow, dammit, Demon!—so awesome?" He asks, swatting at demanding paws.

Neji shrugs and smiles. "A natural gift."

"Don't do that; when you smile like that it makes me want to kiss you." He gets a saucy smirk in return and he pushes the other man's face away, laughing, as Neji pushes his lips out for dramatic effect.

"But I'm not going to." He says confidently, even though he's feeling a little uncertain.

He's never been intimate with someone and then was able to be friends with them after, just like that. He wonders how long it will take for Neji to get tired of the no fooling around rule they've just set up. It always ends up being all or nothing with every guy he's met and he's not too confident this will last long, no matter how much he wants it to.

But maybe this is a little different, he thinks, as Neji's eyes are very warm and his touch is very tender as he presses a chaste kiss to the side of Naruto's head and nods quietly.

"Now rewind it because we missed the whole song." Neji mutters a few moments later.

"Tsk. Because of _you_ and your lame feelings talk." Naruto shoots back, but he's smiling all the same.

Yeah. A little different.

…

He's off one day and he's watching an interview on Good Morning America. White Snake is on, _because of course they are_. It's not like they're one of the biggest groups in the world, or anything. Naruto wants to change the channel but can't bring himself to. He kind of…misses seeing Sasuke and it's like a punch in the gut when he walks on because he looks amazing and glowy and _happy_ , most of all, which sucks because even though things are good in Naruto's life—besides the whole, you know, _that_ —Naruto is anything but. It shouldn't come as a shock, because Sasuke's been around the block before and knows the deal by now. It probably took him a week to be over the whole thing, to wash his hands of it, while Naruto's nowhere near that.

Maybe he's just imaging it though, the easy smile and the happy little glow. It would make it easier to just say fuck it and fuck him if the other man was that unbothered after such a short time apart. It's TV, he has to look happy, right? He's dying inside too, right? Cried himself to sleep a few nights, right?

Right?

He watches the interview with an odd sense of detachment, noticing absently that Sasuke's not as vocal—ha—as he usually is, letting the other members take the lead. The question of Sai comes up, _because of course it does_ and Sasuke answers it easily enough, saying how they met, how they're doing, how great the other man is, yadda yadda.

It kind of makes him sick to his stomach but like a true masochist, he watches on.

 _Heartbreakers_ , the single is called. Fucking ironic, huh? And not in the good way.

Naruto snorts and pats the comforter to find the remote. He's seen enough, thank you very much. Won't be doing that again.

"Have you ever been heartbroken?" the interviewer asks before he can flip the channel.

There's a chorus of "oh yeah's" from the other members, and Naruto doesn't imagine the way Sasuke's face shuts down and he seems to close off. He's watched in on TV and in person enough to know the signs of a Very Unhappy Camper ™. Hmm.

"Yeah." Sasuke says blankly after every else has quieted. "…..Once."

Naruto jabs the channel up button as hard as he can.

It rattles him for the rest of the day, and he can't, for the life of him, put his finger on why.

…

Three whole months, and he's been a good boy. He hasn't called, or texted, or Instagram-stalked you-know-who, and he's damn proud, if he says so himself. But, being single kind of….well, sucks? Especially after _not_ being quite so single after so long. That's probably why he fucks up and starts sorta-not-really dating again, and the guy may or may not be…even worse.

Because he's an idiot, and idiots never learn.

Let's back up again, shall we?

It's not on purpose; Naruto perfectly fine with eating his body weight in ice cream and watching _He's Just Not That Into You_ and _500 Days of Summer_ back to back for the 400th time in a row because uh, _relatable,_ am I right?—but his friends—mainly Ino and Sakura— seem to think that's a sign of depression for some silly reason so they make him go out and function like a normal human being. He really doesn't want to, ok? Like, really, really doesn't but he's scared of them—mainly Ino and Sakura—and ends up getting roped along with anything they want him to do. They take him to one of their fancy clubs with skin-tight jeans and about 16 percent self-worth. At least they picked a day where it was relatively high, all things considered. He's gotta give it to them for that.

Anyway, he feels entirely too old for this sort of thing. He's closer to 30 than 20, for god's sake, and staying up till 3am drinking and getting bumped into all night isn't his idea of fun anymore. Maybe it never was. So he's really not "down with the sickness" as the youth say, but he goes anyway cause he really doesn't want to hear any shit and what's the worst that could happen, right?

Famous last words, and all that.

The set-up's normal: he's chilling at the bar, only on his second drink, looking around at all the barely 21's grinding up a storm—they all probably smell like ass and he really can't believe this is how he used to hookup in college, like, seriously—when Ino frantically taps at his arm and nearly yells "Hottie at 12 o'clock!" in his ear.

Yeah right, everyone she suggested so far has been a low 7 (and that's generous) and she's pretty tipsy right now so he doubts—

Ok, holy shit, _never mind_.

It's like winning the lottery, or getting the freshest sandwich at Chick-Fil-A, or something like that. Naruto can't believe that he's found such a gem on a shitty night like this after the shitty couple months he's had. And even better? He doesn't recognize him! Hasn't seen him on TV or in a magazine and doesn't already know his name! A regular fucking nobody, just like him!

At least, that's what he assumes based solely on first impressions.

Too bad the guy's standing awfully close the person he's talking too right now and Naruto's still not that kind of guy to interrupt if they have a thing going on. Hell, he doesn't even know if he's into guys at all. It's still nice to look.

"Go talk to him, Naruto!" Sakura insists, pushing insistently at his back. Ino bobs her head a little too hard to be comfortable in agreement. "Go get all up on that."

Yikes. He tries not to slip from her nudging. "He's busy." He says with shrug.

Ino sucks her teeth and waves him off. "That's like, the fifth guy he's talk to in ten minutes. He's on the prowl and so are you so Go. Talk. To Him. You need this."

"I do not." Naruto protests weakly.

"Do too." They say in unison.

Yeah, maybe.

He wants to argue, but they're probably right. Why should he be here mourning something that _barely_ was while Sasuke's living it up with a guy that looks a knockoff version of himself? He shouldn't! He deserves better!

Now that his self-worth has risen to a lofty 25 percent, all he has to do is figure out how to like, flirt.

He's never been very good at it, and he's usually not the one doing the approaching. How do people usually go about these things?

"So you're pretty hot and I was wondering if you'd like to make out?" He basically shouts once he musters up the courage to walk over.

Smooth.

Even over the loud music, Naruto swears he can hear Ino and Sakura facepalm behind him.

The guy looks him up and down, once, twice, before shrugging and saying:

"Sure." and then hey, just like that, they're making out.

Yep, he's still got it.

He finds out later that the guy's name is Kakashi. Even though he looks significantly older with his shock of gray hair, he's only twenty nine and he's a certified bad boy. He even owns a motorcycle.

Does Naruto have a type? He has definitely a type, doesn't he?

That's not important. What is important is that he's getting felt up in the surprisingly clean club bathroom—he did say this was a fancier one—by Bad Boy Kakashi ™ and he's never been one to uh _, release the baby gravy_ too early but this is the second time he's getting it on in a public bathroom in so many months and it just might be a new kink of his. Not to mention that Kakashi has a sinful mouth and didn't waste any time yanking Naruto's pants down to give him the ol' _hey-ho_ like both of their sets of friends aren't fully aware of what's happening while they wait outside.

He feels like such a slut but honestly can't bring himself to care.

He's zipping Naruto back up and patting the front of his pants almost lovingly before Kakashi gets an inquisitive look on his face and asks him:

"So, what's your name?" with a shit-eating grin.

"I think I'm in love." Naruto says dreamily sometime later, after he's gotten the other man's phone number and Ino and Sakura are escorting him home. He gets two very dry looks in the rearview mirror.

"Please tell me you're kidding." Sakura asks warily.

"Don't joke like that." Ino says at the same time.

"Sorry, sorry." He says, even though he's not.

Things are looking up.


	5. Chapter 5

**V.**

Except, they're really not, because Kakashi doesn't _do_ relationships at all and scoffs at the idea of being in one, going so far as to say he'd skip town if anyone ever told him they were in love with him. Naruto's going to pretend that he's cool with that—again!—because the sex is good and he doesn't know how to put his foot down. It's kind of…sad, when he thinks about it, so he tries not to. It's not hard when he's hanging onto the other man's back for dear life while Kakashi's speeding down the empty street popping wheelies to impress him. It's not even necessary because Naruto's impressed with everything he does, for some reason. The way he lights a cigarette? Cool as hell. The intricate tattoos down his back? Awesome. The way his hand fits perfectly around Naruto's neck when he's fucking him half to death? _Amazing_.

So yeah, maybe he's in a little deep already.

Tragic.

It's good clean fun. Well, maybe not _clean_ , but it's definitely fun. His friends seem to approve; they probably think he's doing a low-key, rebound style thing (which he is) and that he isn't expecting this to go anywhere (which he…doesn't). It also helps that Kakashi's not the kind of famous that people care about—he owns a pretty well-known tattoo parlor but not the kind that gets Spike TV show deals—so they're in the clear to go out for ice cream at one am and nobody's going write an article about the man leaving his house at seven in the morning in the same clothes he was wearing last night. Even though they _aren't_ together, it almost feels like a normal relationship.

God, that sounds so sad, doesn't it? Nope, not thinking about it!

"You should let me give you a tattoo." Kakashi says, absently tracing patterns on his bare back as they lounge around. "I've had one in mind since we met that I think you'd like."

Naruto thinks about it before shrugging with one shoulder. "I don't know. I've never thought about getting one before."

Kakashi's eyes light up at that, and then he's rolling off the bed to go grab his sketchbook. Is he really going to entertain this? He has a 9-5, for god's sake, and while his boss is pretty chill he's almost certain the guy won't be too happy if Naruto shows up with an arm sleeve or "thug life" across his collarbone.

Even if it would look awesome.

Luckily, that's not the plan at all, as the other man wants to give him a very painful looking spiral over his belly button. He stares at the drawing, turning it this way and that, and tries not to let his face give him away.

He fails.

"You don't like it?" Kakashi nearly pouts, and Naruto fights not to melt into a puddle of goo.

"No, no, I do." That's not a lie, he actually does. "It's just…that'll take a while, right? It's kind of a lot for my first ever tattoo. Won't it hurt?" He sounds like a little bitch but he has genuine concerns.

Besides, they've only been seeing each other for about a month and a half and this is the biggest commitment they've decided to make in their relationship, go figure. He doesn't know how he feels about that.

Kakashi waves his hand dismissively and tuts. "Not that bad. You can trust me, it'll be fine."

Well, he's a goddamn lying liar who lies because it hurts like a motherfucker.

He nearly screams through the whole thing while the other man quietly laughs at him. He stares at the ceiling with tears in his eyes, wondering how his life got to this point. Somehow, he went from happily going about his mundane life to getting tatted by some guy he fucked at a party after breaking up with a guy he fucked at a party….because he fucked another guy at a party.

Wow. He's gotta get it the fuck together, huh?

Or stop going to parties. Either works.

(That won't really work since he kind of...plans them, but he'll work out the kinks on that later.)

He's got to admit that it does look amazing when it's done and all he has to do is squint past the angry redness on his tummy to see that. Kakashi looks damn proud of it and the whole thing feels like a very intimate bonding experience. Besides the whole, screaming his lungs out part, of course.

"Dudeeee." Kiba says when he shows him and the gang the next time they all get together. "That's sick."

They're sitting in Hinata's garden having a Sunday brunch and Naruto's feeling a little tipsy from the homemade mimosas, which is why he's showing off his happy trail without hesitation.

"Right?" He agrees, beaming. Neji's face screws up in obvious distaste but he doesn't comment while Shikamaru analyzes his bare chest with disturbing intensity.

"I think this is the equivalent of a girl cutting all her hair off after a bad breakup." He says after a few moments. Naruto's scoff can barely be heard over the sound of everyone's laughter.

"Whatever. You sound like a hater." He snips, sticking out his tongue. Shikamaru shrugs and raises his hands in mock surrender.

"I have to agree, Naruto." Hinata says. Et tu, brute? "Did you even think that through? That'll be on your body forever."

"I think he's a bad influence." Ino says loudly before he can respond, sipping noisily on her mimosa. "Since when are you into tattoos?"

"You're the ones that told me to sleep with him!" Naruto protests, because hey, they totally did and now all of a sudden it's a problem? Besides, a "bad influence"? He's a grown man, for fuck's sake. He can do what he wants!

"We only meant once! So you'd get out of your funk! We didn't mean you should start dating the guy and get matching body art." Sakura chimes in sourly.

"We aren't even dating." He mumbles before he can stop himself, and is treated to a loud, collective groan from everyone else.

"Seriously?" Ino grunts.

"Naruto..." Shikamaru says with a pointed look.

"Babe…" Sakura whines.

"Dude..." Kbia chides.

"...Not this again!" They all moan that once.

"What the hell!? I was just trying to show you guys something cool and all of a sudden it's Shit on Naruto Day?! I know it's you guys favorite subject but we are not about to talk about my love life!" He cries.

"Or lack thereof." Kiba mumbles sassily like the goddamn turncoat he is.

"Rude, ok? Rude and uncalled for."

"Naruto, my friend. We are just worried about you, that's all." Lee pipes up from Sakura's side after watching the back and forth. "This is very similar to what happened with—"

"—don't say it." He says warningly.

"—Sasuke," Son of a bitch. "And we don't want you to go down that same path again."

Everyone nods in agreement and he honestly can't believe this.

"Is this, is this an intervention? Is that what I'm hearing?"

"It probably should be." Neji says gently, grimacing sheepishly when Naruto turns disbelieving eyes his way. "After hearing your side of the story and everyone else's, you may want to slow down a bit for your own safety and wellbeing."

It sounds decidedly _less_ shitty coming from Neji when he puts it like that, but it's still shitty.

"Ok. Wow. Ouch." He says, genuinely upset. "So not only are you telling my business behind my back, you're judging me, too? Awesome, super, good to know."

There's a chorus of protest the rises up from around the table but he doesn't want to hear it.

"It's not—"Ino starts.

" _C'mon_ , dude—"Kiba cries.

"Forgive me, I—"Neji says, realizing his mistake.

"Honey, wait—"Sakura yells, but he's already stomping back towards the front of the house to get in his car and leave.

Whatever, he thinks as he's starting the car, they're all just jealous because most of them are …happily married and thriving. Yeah, it sounds stupid when he thinks about it but he wants to be mad dammit so he's going to be!

This is _not_ the same, ok? Kakashi is nothing like Sasuke and he's not repeating the same thing over, is he?

Shit, he is, isn't he?

He realizes that maybe they were right far too late because he's already halfway home and doesn't want to apologize for being a drama queen. They were only expressing concern. After all, they _did_ help him through all the two years' worth of drama with Sasuke and don't want him to repeat the same mistakes or end up looking stupid. _Again_. He could have handled that better. _Way_ better.

Now that he thinks about it, he did agree to get a tattoo from a guy he barely knows just because the sex is good. He doesn't even know Kakashi's last name and he was already shortlisting for cool birthday gifts!

Zoinks, Scoob. He's really hurtling towards the deep end, isn't he?

He'll text them all later that he's sorry but he's still a little peeved about the whole thing. They know he's sensitive goddammit and they could have gone about it better!

He thinks about the whole thing long and hard over the next few weeks, trying his best to pretend like everything's fine. He knows he shouldn't keep seeing the other man, but the fear of loneliness wins out and he clams up tighter than a drum every time he thinks of bring up the end.

Despite his best efforts, it must be obvious that his heart is not in it anymore because the other man reads him like a good book. They're at another hotspot because apparently, Kakashi also has connects that get him into cool places and Naruto sees a lot of familiar faces grinding away around him. Kakashi comes back from the bar with Naruto's drink, takes one long look, and leans in really close asks him:

"You're bored, aren't you?"

"Hmm? No, the night basically just started. I'm too sober to dance right now, is all?" He responds uncertainly.

Kakashi chuckles and gives him a knowing look. "I mean with us. You don't want to do this anymore, I can tell."

"Wait, no, i—"he starts, but Kakashi grips his chin and makes him look at him.

"It's ok, Naruto, I knew you weren't the casual type and I could tell you were dealing with some heavy shit. We can be friends, if you want."

Oh, for fuck's sake! This is the second time that, with his own actions, he's gone and friend-zoned himself! What gives!?

Naruto goes to deny it, but thinks better of it. He sighs. "Shit, man, I'm sorry. I just got out of something really complicated and I don't want to do that again, but it was wrong of me not to say anything before now so I—" Kakashi places a comforting hand on his shoulder to cut him off.

"It's cool. I get it. I was sending mixed signals too, you know? We're good, though. I promise."

Naruto feels oddly like crying, but he just nods and leans in when Kakashi gives him a soul-sucking kiss to end all other kisses.

"Not going to lie; I'm _really_ going to miss that." The other man says, and Naruto laughs into his shoulder.

He makes the mistake of looking up onto the VIP balcony and locks eyes with Sasuke because _of course_ he's here. This is where all the cool kids come, so it makes sense. Fuck. Now he just got watched getting not-really-dumped by the first guy that got him into this situation in the first place. Awesome.

He looks away first before Sasuke's look of surprise turns into something else.

It's not like Sasuke would know what just transpired in front of him. The club's too loud and they were just talking and hugging. It probably looked more romantic than anything from an outsider's view, even if it was the direct opposite of that. Why is he worried about what the other man thinks is going on, anyway? He's not, I'll tell ya.

He's not.

He can't help it though, when he's sitting at the bar nursing another drink, that his eyes seek Sasuke out in the VIP. He's sitting with Sai, who's hanging all over him, and it makes his tummy squirm uncomfortably. Sasuke's looking elsewhere and Naruto can't help but notice their body language is off. Sai's in his lap like they're snuggling, but he looks stiff and tense. Sasuke's got his arm wrapped around him, but it seems more like a rollercoaster lockbar than a lover's gentle hold. Hmm. Maybe's he's reading too much into it. It's not his business and they can do what they want. Besides, he's here with a hot guy who basically threw him in the trash and he won't leave cause it's not even midnight yet and he can't bear to be alone! He's having the time of his life! This night can't get any better!

"Wanna dance?" Some average twink comes to ask Kakashi, who's sitting beside him. The pants he's wearing look like they've been painted on and Naruto weeps for his poor balls. Kakashi looks at him for confirmation to make sure it's okay, because hey, before twenty minutes ago they _were_ on a date. Yep, this night just got even more awesome! Naruto throws back a shot and shrugs, watching the kid lead him off by the hand into the throng of sweaty bodies.

Absolutely amazing.

He stares at the dancefloor, dissociating as the music pounds around him, watching everyone have the time of their lives being drunk of their asses.

Yep, he's too old for this, he thinks, downing another shot.

He raises an eyebrow when the twink grabs Kakashi's face and starts to passionately make out him with him. Wow, he thinks, he wishes he was that bold when he was younger. Oh, now he's coping a feel on the front of Kakashi's pants in front of all these people. Impressive. Naruto's so caught up watching this spectacle that he doesn't even notice how Sasuke's basically thrown Sai off his lap and bounded down the stairs, eyes only catching the quick movement of him sending a mean right hook to the side of Kakashi's unguarded face.

Wait, what?

"What the fuck?" Kakashi yells, and some random girl actually starts screaming when she sees him laid out on the ground. Dramatic, much?

Naruto's jumps up from his seat and speed walks over to them, arriving at the same time Sai does.

"What the hell, Sasuke?" They both yell in unison, looking at each other in confusion for a moment for having what seemed like an echo.

Sasuke's eyes are wild and very, very angry. "You're fucking kidding me, right?" he shouts at Kakashi, standing menacingly over him like he's ready to pounce.

"What the hell is your problem?!" Kakashi yells, holding his face while the kid he was dancing with struggles to help him up. He wobbles when he stands fully and Naruto's not sure if it's from the alcohol of the weight of that punch.

"You think I'm going to let you do that?" Sasuke slurs, a little too drunk himself. "You think you can just disrespect him like that?" He lunges at him again and Naruto steps forward and puts a warning hand on his bicep.

"Stop, Sasuke! What are you doing!?" He shouts. He honestly doesn't know. One minute the guy telling him to basically never speak to him again and the next minute he's Naruto's self-appointed honor guard. He's trying to figure out his angle, here.

Sai seems to be, too, if his shocked face is anything to go by. It's probably a huge jump in his mind for his boyfriend to not even know who Naruto is to drunkenly defending him. Naruto would clue him in to be spiteful but he's a little busy at the moment.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" Sasuke spits at him, jerking out of his hold. "I'm going to kick his ass for cheating on you right in front of your fucking face!"

What.

"It's not like that!" He protests, but Sasuke probably can't hear him because everyone's yelling at each other, security's coming as well as Sasuke's entourage and _god_ this is a mess. "It's not even like that and you really need to mind your own business, dude, because you made it clear that what i do doesn't have anything to do with you. I can handle myself!"

Okay, Sasuke definitely heard him anyway, because his Angry Face ™ morphs into a sad and hurt face and Naruto doesn't know what to make of it. It must really distract Sasuke (or seriously hurt his feelings) because he's caught off guard by Kakashi punching him back, stumbling a few steps before he turns to defend himself. They start fighting in earnest and everyone around them is freaking out and Naruto feels like he might just combust on the spot.

You ever seen two honey badgers fighting? It's kind of like that.

It ain't pretty.

But you know what? It's not his business anymore, so instead of trying to get them to stop like everyone else is doing, he pivots on his heel towards the bar, drops a wad of cash (which includes a hefty tip) to cover his bill, and gets the fuck outta dodge before the paps (or the cops) show up. Yep, just like that, he's washing his hands of it. He's just not going to do it anymore. He's done with dating. Period.

Of course it's not that easy, but it's nice to dream.

…

"What did you do!" Sakura shrieks over the phone, nearly blowing out his eardrum.

"Why is it always my fault!" He shrieks back, annoyed. He feels like he's in a time loop, or something.

" _Because_ ," she drawls. "Not only does Sasuke not get into any fights, he also doesn't get into them with the guy _you just happened to be seeing_ for no apparent reason."

Damn. True.

"We were at the same club and Sasuke got it into his head that Kakashi was cheating on me because he was making out with someone else in front of me."

"Oh my gosh! So he was defending you?"

"There was nothing to defend! He's the one in the wrong, here!" After he'd gotten home that night, he nearly died because he's never been so embarrassed in his life. He doesn't know why anyone would think it's cool or sweet for people to fight over them because he really just wanted to phase into the ground and never come out.

"Well, now we know he cares." She says matter of factly, ignoring the last part of his statement.

Yeah, maybe.

It did rattle him a little, seeing Sasuke so passionate about what he thought was a slight against Naruto. Made him feel warm and fuzzy inside but he squashed it like a bug because fuck that. It shouldn't take them falling out for Sasuke to show some goddamn emotion once in awhile and let him know that he's even paying attention. He's not going to fall for it.

"It doesn't matter. He attacked my friend and made himself out to be an ass and for what? He hasn't called or texted me in like five months over the stupidest shit ever that still was originally His. Damn. Fault!" Ok. Maybe he's a little more rattled than he'd like to let on, so sue him.

"I'm not defending him or anything, Naruto," Sakura says carefully after his breathing has evened out. "But we both know he's not the best at this kind of thing and I think it's pretty obvious that you guys have some unresolved feelings that you should talk about."

"I thought you didn't like us being together?" He asks, confused. She switches sides more than a see-saw, jesus.

Sakura tsk's. "You don't have to be together to talk thing through and work things out between you, hon. That's...kind of the whole thing you haven't caught onto yet." He can almost hear pity in her tone and he hates it.

But, damn, true.

"Well…still, he knows my number and where to find me." He mumbles, uncertain. " He's going to make the first move because I'll be damned if I do."

"Fair enough." She says, and they switch the conversation over to something else.

…

It's neither him or Sasuke that makes the first move, actually, but someone else completely unexpected.

Sai, of all people, gets the ball rolling.

 _Sai and Sasuke breakup?_ The newest headlines read. _The juicy details!_ Naruto stands on the platform waiting for his train, fighting with every ounce of his being not to click on the link but loses out to nosiness and vindictiveness. It's only been about a week and a half since the whole mess at the club so he can't help but feel like it might have a _teeny_ bit to do with him, but he can't be sure.

His name, on the other hand, is nowhere to be found in the article so that's a relief.

"They just grew apart," one insider reveals. "Sasuke's a party boy and Sai's just not like that. There's also been rumors that Sasuke's still hung up on one of his exes."

It's always freaked him out how people in magazines talk about celebrities like they know them personally, and this is no exception. He wonders if that last part is true, and if it is, it doesn't have to necessary be about him. Sasuke doesn't even _acknowledge him_ as an ex so how could it be?

Anyway, still not his business, so he closes his browser and goes about his day not thinking about it at all.

It's weeks before anything happens. It seemed that all was quiet on the western front but he should have known better. Things don't just...end smoothly around here. But Naruto's got better things to do than to worry about gossip and people he doesn't talk to anymore so he forgets all about it and goes on with his life.

It's nearly the weekend after another busy week, and when he gets off work, it's late and he's hungry, so he decides to stop into the nearest mini mart for a snack. He's stressed as all hell from some difficult clients and all he wants is wine and sleep. He gets a weird look from one of the girls in the isles but thinks nothing of it, paying for his food and starting the short trip home.

He looks down at his phone, raising an eyebrow at the slew of missed calls from his friends and even his mom, having forgot he put his phone on silent earlier in the day. What the hell? What now? He's never this popular unless some drama's going on.

Before he can even start to read his messages or call anyone back, there's a call from an unknown number that he warily picks up.

"Hello?"

"Naruto Uzumaki?" a deep, somewhat familiar voice asks on the other end.

"Yes, this is he?" He responds, thinking it may be a business call.

There's a deep sigh on the other end that makes the ends of Naruto's hair stand up, for some reason.

Where has he heard this voi—?

"This is Itachi Uchiha calling." Wait, WHAT. "I think it's time we talked about your relationship with my brother."

W H A T.

Before he even thinks about it, he hangs up the phone.

Holy shit, did he just hang up on Itachi Uchiha? It sure seems like he did, since he's looking at his home screen in shocked silence. He actually yells out loud in alarm when the same number calls him back immediately. Fuck! What did he miss? How does Itachi know? Did Sasuke tell him all of a sudden? For what purpose?

It takes a quick google search to find out what's happened, because he knows it's not as simple as that.

Oh.

Yep, it's worse.

Remember how we said Sai made the first move? Well, it seems that he didn't like being rudely dumped and he decided to retaliate by airing out _all_ of Sasuke's business for the world to see.

 _Sasuke's Secret Relationship_! Is what all the articles read one way or another, and Naruto dies a little inside.

Okay, so they've been outed, he thinks. Pretty bad, but manageable. Maybe a dirty sext or two but it's not like that have a sex tape. This is manageable.

But it's totally not.

Because It's….everything. Holy shit.

First it's the text messages between the two of them. Sweet ones where they're waxing poetic to each other. Serious ones where they had deep, meaningful conversations. Sad ones where they talked about their loneliness. Naruto's name was even saved with a little heart next to it in Sasuke's phone, apparently. Except, it's not his name but a nickname that Sasuke gave him because of the color of his eyes. Blue, he called him sometimes, and it usually made Naruto feel all warm inside but right now, seeing that on the screen, he doesn't know how to feel.

There are videos of them dancing in Naruto's living room because they got in that kind of mood often. In one, Naruto bursts out laughing loudly because they just look so bad and the way Sasuke looks at him in them is…enlightening, to say the least. He never saw that look on his face because it was only there when he wasn't paying attention, it seems. A video with Naruto singing softly to one of Sasuke's songs while he's cooking for the both of them that's captured so secretly and gently that it makes his heart clinch.

There's _so many_ pictures—Naruto asleep with Demon on his chest, a lot of him laughing that must have been random candids that he doesn't remember. A few that Naruto sent him when he was feeling lonely, full of peace signs and fake pouts that Sasuke would always call cute. One that's clearly post-sex with Naruto's head on his shoulder and Sasuke's face buried in his hair. Sasuke looks…so happy, and Naruto wants to fucking throw up.

He's going to _absolutely_ murder Sai, because who else would leak this? He's an angry, hateful little shit and this is exactly the type of shit he'd pull when he's mad.

Naruto didn't even know half of these existed, so they must have been on Sasuke's laptop or phone or both and Sai got his hands on it somehow. He skims angrily through the rest of the article, noting how the magazine makes the connection of the feud between Neji and Sasuke. How they must have broken up. How Sasuke must be jealous and that's why he lashed out then and in the fight last week because it's been confirmed that Naruto was in attendance then, too.

What. A. Mess.

He's sees why he had so many missed calls then. Everyone was trying warn him of the worst.

He keeps scrolling down, getting madder and madder until he actually gasps at the next damning piece of evidence the article has so neatly organized for the best impact.

Sasuke…wrote a song about him.

It's something he always dreamed of one day, held hope for, but he never thought it'd actually _happen._

He's flattered for two seconds until he remembers that he shouldn't be finding out like this and gets mad all over again.

There's a short video of him singing it and it's not finished, so Naruto's very tempted not to watch it. But the whole world's probably already seen this by now so why shouldn't he?

Naruto recognizes his assistant Suigetsu asking him what the song is about, as well as his friend and bandmate Karin's voice behind the camera.

"'Boa' yeah, I like that." Sasuke says, adjusting his footing on his stool and strumming at his guitar absently. "It's something I've been thinking about for a while."

"It's about that "special someone", right?" Karin says with a giggle, doing a mocking air quotes beside him.

Sasuke's not even looking at her, though, too busy lost in his own world thinking about….Naruto.

What the fuck.

"Yeah." He replies, almost shyly.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

 _Baby I'd stay forever in your arms, if you'd let me_

 _Etch my name onto your skin so you could never forget me_

He sings softly, and Naruto finds himself holding his breath.

 _But morning comes again and your shackles loosen_

 _You slip right out your binds and I start to lose my mind_

Oh.

 _Tell me, Blue,_

 _What's so damn good about you?_

 _Maybe you're the one, or maybe I'm just fucking crazy_

 _I'd wrap myself around you twice and squeeze—_

Shit…Sasuke's like, really into him, isn't he?

Well, that's news to him. Front page worthy news, apparently.

Fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck.

It takes all his strength not to throw his phone against the ground because he's going to need it in the next few minutes once he gets himself together, because a few somebodies are answering for this, oh yes they are.

Sasuke first, of course.

He answers on the second ring, unsurprisingly, because he surely knew Naruto was going to call.

"Hey." Naruto says dumbly. He hears Sasuke release a noisy sigh on the other end.

"….Hey."

"So we should probably, uh, talk about this? In person? Like, in depth about this? Because I'm kind of freaking out and I'm sure you are, too. Not really something you wanted to share with the class, right? You should come over. Like, now. Wait, no, shit; there's probably people at my house right now trying to get an interview, huh?" He rambles as the last bit dawns on him.

"Where are you? I'm coming to pick you up." Sasuke says, ignoring his ravings, voice seemingly devoid of all emotion. All that means is that he's pissed beyond belief and trying not to let it show. It'd probably work on anyone but Naruto, because he knows him too well.

"The mini mart three blocks from my house."

"Stay there. I'll be there in a minute." Before Naruto can say anything else, he's hanging up. Naruto sighs, dreading world's most awkward conversation. He takes a bitter bite of his honeybun and plops down on the curb to wait.

Awesome. He thinks. Absolutely fucking _fantastic_.

 **...**

It's hard to keep himself from tapping his foot in nervousness and frustration, but somehow, he manages. He's been sitting in the car for at least seven minutes and Sasuke's yet to say a single word to him, too busy angrily texting away on his phone without looking up.

The rapid, violent t _ap, tap, taps_ are really starting to grate his nerves.

Right when he decides that, yep, he's going to yell at the driver to slow down so he can tuck on and roll on out of here, Sasuke sighs heavily and raises his eyes to meet his.

"Sorry," he grunts, sounding weary, "My brother's on the fucking warpath and i'm trying to keep him from exploding." He wipes a hand over his face and slumps further in his seat.

"And yet you're surprisingly calm about it." Naruto says with a pointed look. "It's not like this is a big deal, or anything."

Sasuke scoffs and waves him off. "Look, I know this might cause some problems for you and your little _boyfriend—_ " He sneers like it's the most disgusting thing he's ever had to say, "—but all this "excitement" will pass and then you'll—"

"One, he's not my boyfriend." Naruto interjected loudly. Sasuke rolls his eyes but loses some of the tension out of his body. Hmm, noted. "Two, _you're_ the one that practically begged me to keep this super hush-hush but now that it's out—which, not my fault by the way—you're shrugging your shoulders and saying it's not big deal? What the hell? What was the point, then?"

"So if he's not your boyfriend, what is he?" Sasuke asks and huh? That's what he's choosing to focus on?

"I asked you a question first." Naruto replies, feeling his heat starting to rise.

"I asked you second."

"Seriously? You—okay, _fine_. We went on a few dates. He gave me a tattoo. It wasn't anything serious; we were just hanging out, you know? Casual sex and all that. There, happy? Now answer the question."

Sasuke blinks blanking at him, eyebrows then drawing downward into an intense frown. Yeah, he maybe could have left that last part out.

"You know the guy for what, two weeks and you let him give you a tattoo?" Sasuke says, sharp edge in his voice.

Why does everyone like to dwell on that fact?

(Probably because it wasn't his best idea? Whatever.)

Naruto sucks his teeth. "How do you know how long I've know him? Oh, right. You don't."

Wait, why are they arguing about this?

"Oh, so how long have you been seeing him, then?" Sasuke asks in a strange tone after a few beats of silence, like he's implying—

"So you thinking I was fucking him the same time I was fucking you, right? That's what you're trying to say, isn't it?" Naruto nearly shouts, voice raising an octave. He sees the driver's eyes looking at them in the rearview mirror, worried, through a small gap in the partition and tries to calm himself down a bit. He shifts in his seat uncomfortably.

"Well, it wouldn't be the first, so—" Sasuke grumbled nastily, and Naruto sees red.

"Whoa, wow. Ok. First off, fuck you. Second, stop the car." Cause nope, he's not going to take that lying down like he's some sort of awful cheating whore who slanged sperm all around town. They. Weren't. Even. Together!

Why are they arguing about this!

"Naruto—" Sasuke tries after realizing what he just said, but Naruto doesn't give him the chance to finish.

"Let's get one thing straight, alright? The _entire_ time we were...doing whatever it was we were doing—"

Because its past tense now, right?

Right?

"—I wasn't with anyone else. No one. Ask anyone I know and they'll tell you it was all about you, all the time. _You're_ the one who had boyfriends and would still call me the second they stopped being all shiny and new. _You're_ the one who jet-setted the fucking world and still ended up right back in my goddamn bed as soon as your plane landed. So don't sit here and act like I'm some loose whore who played with your feelings or something and broke your heart." He yells, oddly near tears. He's not going to cry, he's not going to fucking cry right now _oh my god_.

"You wanna know who got played? Me! You pretended like you didn't even know me and humiliated me after I'm always going on about how great you are and defending you when everyone calls you a shitty, insufferable _dick_ and for what? So you could keep treating me like some guilty pleasure of yours? So when it finally comes out you just shrug your shoulders and say it's whatever when I bent over backwards to keep this secret and let you do whatever you wanted to? I don't get it! You said it was no strings attached so why are you so fucking mad at me!? Did you think that if you told anyone who I was they'd figure out that you're in love with me? Cause I think that's pretty obvious now so good job on that!"

He's huffing by the end of his outburst and Sasuke looks like he just got punched in the face, but he's not sorry and it needed to be said. Why is he the bad guy, here? Even if Sasuke did date most of those people for publicity it still hurt. It still made him feel worthless and not good enough sometimes, so he probably should have just dated other people while he was not-really-dating Sasuke. It would have made it much easier and probably would have stopped him from falling head over heels for the guy and they wouldn't even be having this conversation right now.

Maybe.

"Fuck." Sasuke says forcefully after a few moments of awkward, angry silence, seemingly smaller that he was a few minutes ago and he actually looks incredibly ashamed of himself. "I'm sorry. I'm really fucking sorry, Naruto. That was so shitty of me to say and you're right, I started this and i'm a hypocrite for acting like...like…" He says, fumbling.

"Like i'm yours when you aren't mine?" Naruto finishes for him. He wants it to come out venomously, but it instead comes out quiet and sad.

Sasuke swallows hard and nods.

"Can I ask you something." Naruto tries, switching gears because he's _so tired_ of being angry about this. " Why did you act like this didn't mean anything to you when it clearly did?"

Sasuke's jaw works like he's gearing up to deny it, but he thinks better of it and sighs, looking out the window,

Surprisingly, he actually gets a straight answer. It only took two years, give or take.

" You know how I started the band when I was 17, right? I never dated anyone before that. My friends had multiple girlfriends and cheated on everyone they were with and weren't happy, so I had no idea what a healthy relationship looked like."

Sasuke sighs out, shaking his head at the memories. "I was kind of a nerd, honestly, but then I got famous and people thought i was cool. I didn't have care about anyone else because everyone expected me to do whatever I wanted. Somehow I got the playboy image without even trying. Anyone I dealt with assumed we weren't going to be serious or were after money or fame so I said to myself that i shouldn't get my hopes up. Don't get attached and leave at the first sign of trouble. Those were the rules, and that worked. Then I met you."

That shouldn't make his heart flutter, but dammit, it does.

Sasuke looks at him and Naruto tries not to squirm under his heavy gaze. "You were...funny. And grounded. And genuinely _good_. You actually gave a shit about me and cared what I was doing and where I was going, if I was getting any sleep, if I was eating right. It doesn't sound like that big of a deal but the only other people that ask me that are my parents and my brother. That _meant_ something. It threw me off. I...didn't want to share you, as stupid as that sounds."

He takes a steadying breath, obviously getting a little worked up. "When I saw you at that charity dinner, I couldn't breathe cause I just thought you were the most spectacular thing in the world and i wanted to tell you that, but I froze because both my brother and Sai were there, and so many other prying eyes. As much as I love Itachi, he'd make you into a story, sensationalize you to sell more records because that's how he works. Sai? He just wants to tear you down to get back at you for some stupid fucking imagery slight against him that neither of you remember at this point. There's a million other people in my life that want something, that want exclusives,deals and they'll rip you open to carve out who you are for _kicks_ or money and I refused to let that happen. I'm not allowed to keep good things. One way or another they disappear so I thought if I kept you at arm's length I could make it last and stop this…life I live from tearing you apart."

He scoffs, more at himself than anything. "As you can see, that worked out perfectly."

Naruto swallows, taking that in. In a way, it makes sense, because Sasuke has told him about how being famous sucks for personal interests and relationships in their late night talks. Sasuke had to cut loose many of his hobbies over the years because he didn't want a horde of cameras following him around while he was doing them. he The other man _is_ a pretty private person and likes to keep his personal business under wraps, but just because he can see the reasoning behind it, doesn't mean it's right.

"That wasn't fair to me, though." He counters. "I didn't know you cared that much, or at all, really...I thought you saw me as like, a stress reliever or something. You didn't even give me the option to be anything to you other than a _convenient hole_ or some shiny toy you picked up when you got bored. Do you know how that made me feel? Not good."

Sasuke looks away from him again, but nods solemnly. Naruto continues, letting out a shuddering breath.

"Besides, I wasn't going to be chased off by some rabid fans or cameras following us around. I've been friends with Sakura and Ino for years; I'm used to it. You could have given us a chance since, suprise! It's what we both wanted, but you wrote me off as someone who'd leave you high and dry just because our relationship would be a little out of the ordinary. I don't like that, Sasuke. I don't like being left out of my own relationship."

They fall into silence for a few moments after that, and Naruto gets really acquainted with his feet because he can't meet Sasuke's eyes anymore. He doesn't know where that burst of confidence came from to bare his soul for the last ten minutes, but hoo boy it's surely gone now.

"You're right." Sasuke says finally after a few more excruciating seconds. "Again, I'm sorry. Its different to have your life directly under the microscope all the time, but I should have told you what I wanted so i wouldn't hurt you like this."

"Thank you. I'm sorry, too, for being childish and trying to get back at you by...you know. It was wrong of me and I should have said what i wanted, too." Naruto's very proud. If you ignore some of the bits at the beginning, this actually sort of resembles an adult conversation.

Who would have thunk it?

Sasuke's mouth tips upward and he asks quietly:"You really wanted to be with me?"

Naruto rolls his eyes because: "uh, duh?. I thought I was embarrassingly obvious the entire time. I made you cake. I cleared out a drawer for you. I let you borrow my Space Jam DVD. _Nobody_ gets to borrow that DVD, not even Kiba and he knows _secrets_ , Sasuke. Deep, dark secrets that I would kill to keep from getting out.I was completely gone on you, dude."

Sasuke grins, but there's some shadows of doubt on his face. " _Was_?"

And shit, that's a good question, isn't it?

"It's only been like, six months so I'm nowhere near over you." He admits. "And judging from the way you acted when you thought I was with Kakashi, you aren't either. But we've made a mess of things and i don't really know what I want if i'm being honest." Sasuke face falls a little at that but he quietly voices his agreement. "I think I need a little time to figure that out, probably at least until TMZ isn't camped outside my door."

Sasuke grimances. "That might be a while."

"True. At least until like, next week or so when all this actually settles in, okay?"

"Okay." Sasuke agrees softly, smiling brilliantly.

They're staring dreamily into each other's eyes so long afterwards that they don't notice that the car's stopped and their at Sasuke's mansion.

"We're here, sir." The driver says, failing miserably at pretending like he wasn't intently listening to their conversation the entire time.

"Thank you." He looks at Naruto and holds his hand out for him to grab. "C'mon, let's go deal with the chaos. My brother's in there and he'll be in full PR mode so be prepared."

Naruto takes his hand and steps out the car. "This is going to be super awkward, isn't it?"

"Probably."

"Yeah I figured." He says with a shrug. Might as well get it over with.

" Hey, is your driver's name Jeeves?"

Sasuke snorts. "You know it's not."


	6. Chapter 6

**VI.**

As soon as they come inside, Itachi strides over and slaps Sasuke on the side of his head. Not exactly violent, but not playful, either. He doesn't let him get a word in before saying:

"Naruto, i'll forgive you for hanging up on me early as I understand you were upset, and Sasuke, i'll forgive you for thinking you can keep the person you've been dating for _two goddamn years_ a secret from me because I know you're emotionally constipated and ridiculous, but we must get down to business."

"Wait, you _knew_?" Naruto exclaims, shocked.

"You _hung up_ on him?" Sasuke says at the same time, equally as shocked.

Itachi's eyes roll skyward and he's probably internally asking God what he did to deserve this. "Yes, of course I knew. All I did was ask one of your bodyguards years ago where you kept disappearing off to and I was gleefully informed about your secret boyfriend."

Sasuke gets a pensive look on his face like he's trying to figure out which one of his guards is the dirty traitor.

"But _anyway,_ now that you're both here, we can discuss the interview questions and responses."

Sasuke sighs while Naruto looks between the two of them, confused.

"Interview? What interview?"He asks.

Itachi gives Sasuke a dry look and then addresses Naruto. " He didn't tell you on the car ride over? I've already set up an interview for the two of you tomorrow to address the rumors about your relationship. They'll want to know about Naruto's background, family life, motivations, even blood type and star sign so they can run tests to see if the two of you are truly _compatible_. All your other exes have been notoriously tight-lipped so this will be a gold mine for them. If you try to avoid it, they'll keep hounding you until you lose your mind so we're going to get it over with and turn this around into a good thing. 'First look inside Sasuke's inner world' we'll call it. or something along those lines. They'll eat that shit up."

Sasuke looks like he's dying inside and all Naruto can think about is how right Sasuke was. Maybe he'll give a break for being an emotionally constipated weirdo he's clearly fighting an uphill battle, here. Talk about protecting the brand.

"Um. Ok." Is all he can say.

"Good. But i must ask: are the two of you planning on getting back together? I will be upfront in saying i asking for both selfish and business reasons. If you aren't, then we'll go the star-crossed lovers angle and if so, well, i'll have to think on it a while longer but i'll get back to you."

They share a look. "Jury's still out on that one." Sasuke replies carefully. Itachi nods, eyes filling up with a warm, knowing look like he knows something they don't.

"Alright. Noted. Naruto, come with me. Sasuke, stay here and think about what you've done."

Sasuke makes a noise of protest but Itachi waves him off, giving him a pointed look which makes Sasuke's mouth shut with a clear pop. Naruto follows behind him dutifully as he walks away.

"Forgive me, I was trying to lighten the mood." Itachi says once they're alone. "I know this hasn't been a very good day for you. Are you alright?"

"Oh, yeah. I uh, i'm ok, I guess? It's more weird than anything." Naruto replies, unsure.

Itachi nods. "Understandable. It's not everyday that your life is plastered all over the papers. It'll take some getting used to if you plan you pursue this relationship. Things will be different from now on, you understand?"

"I um...yes? I've seen the worst of it anyway."

Itachi pats his shoulder in what seems like pity. "So you think. Unfortunately, you're probably wrong. But it's alright because that's what I'm here for. I'll make a man out of you yet."

Naruto's slightly concerned and a little scared, because Itachi's got a cheshire cat smile. "I'll also let you drive to the car we use to hunt down and run over Sai, if you want." He says and nevermind, he's good in Naruto's book.

…

"I can't believe you got up there and cried on TV like that, Naruto. Those tears actually looked real." Ino says with a laugh. There sitting in her living room watching the interview because even though Naruto was like, there for it, editing always makes it different and he wants to see how he looked for his television debut.

"That's cause they were." Naruto replies, lying back on the couch. Sakura scoffs disbelievingly from beside him and pours herself another drink.

"They were!" He insists, trying not to laugh. "Itachi told me to think of my student loan debt and boom, que the waterworks."

They laugh, until Hinata waves her hand to make them hush so that she can hear.

" _...and do you two think you can make it work, without any privacy or secrecy like you're used to?"_ The interviewer asks from the screen, looking positively giddy at Sasuke's protective hand laid over Naruto's. Itachi was right; they ate all the romeo and juliet slash prince and the pauper shit right up. The entire interview he could basically hear all the teenage girls typing up their fanfiction about the normal dude who gets the guy. Except, if they were paying any attention, he _didn't_ , seeing as how they clearly _broke up_ , but whatever.

But can he break up with someone who was never really his boyfr-

Nope, we're not getting into this again.

The world seems to agree that he very much can.

Anyway, to recap, he let Sasuke do most of the talking, telling the cameras how they met (with some juicy bits left out for...tact), how long they were together, why they hid, etc. Surprisingly, he spared little detail, which was probably at Itachi's suggestion. This way, there'd be no "tell-all" book or expose (courtesy of Sai, probably); it'd all come straight from the horse's mouth.

The whole thing is pretty anti-climatic, really.

But then again he's not sure what he was expecting.

Maybe more drama, or the two of them refusing to speak for months longer until they couldn't fight it anymore and reunited in a heartfelt scene in the rain. Maybe it'd be years before they met again and realize their mistakes, trying to make up for lost time. Maybe they'd never work it out and wonder what could have been.

But that's so boring, you know? And not his style. Get to the point, he says. Ain't nobody got time for that.

Naruto, for his part, just sat there looking doe-eyed and shut his mouth, because even though he agreed to do this it still felt really rude for these people to be asking all the questions. So, to keep from saying something catastrophic on live TV he just let Sasuke run his mouth and only chimed in when it seemed right to, crying on cue when he was asked about the paparazzi badgering and hateful stans calling him awful things on Twitter.

Naruto watches Sasuke look at him carefully on the screen, feeling a knot in his chest. " _Well, we...there's still a lot of things we need to work out between us so I can't answer that right now."_ He says and Naruto feels like shit all over again because he's the one that still needs to give an answer but he can't come to a decision, even though Sasuke's clearly on board. But he's right to take his time with this, right? Even if it's only like, a week because this is actual serious commitment and he wants to make sure he's all in.

" _What I can say is that we're good with each other. "_ He looks warmly at Naruto for a moment, squeezing his hand tighter." _We're not fighting and we don't hate each other and no matter what happens with us I will always be his friend_. T _hat's the best you're going to get right now."_

"Ok yeah, I see what you guys were saying," Hinata says after a moment, turning to look at him and Sakura. "He's totally in love with you."

"See?!" Sakura exclaims.

"I know, right?" Ino says at the same time.

Naruto tries to stifle a giggle but fails miserably. The girls roll their eyes but are smiling all the same.

"So are you going to date him now?" Sakura asks, poking him with her toe. "Forreal-sies? Be a hot trophy wife? Have his babies? "

"Do you think that's a good idea? Cause that's what I'm trying to figure out." He admits.

"Well, know that I know he's not using you for sex i'm more open to the idea." Ino says bluntly. "And he actually got on TV and said more that five words at one time so I think it's safe to say he's pretty serious about it."

Hinata hums softly. "I agree."

Naruto slouches back on the couch, sighing heavily. "Why am I like this? This is all I ever wanted out of this and now I'm basically chickening out. I make no sense."

"Sometimes love doesn't make any sense." Ino says sagely. "You just have to do what's right for you and no matter what you choose, we'll support you."

He's lucky, to have friends like these.

His eyes start tearing up a little bit, making grabby hands so he can dole out hugs.

Sakura rolls her eyes again but obliges.

"Are you thinking about your loans again?" She asks playfully.

"...Yes."

…

He takes the rest of his week of pondering to wrap up some loose ends.

"It makes a lot more sense now that I know he's your ex," Kakashi says with a laugh over the phone. "Makes me feel better to know some random dude didn't decide he just didn't like my face."

"Again, sorry about that." Naruto replies with a grimace the other man can't see.

He imagines the other man waving him off. "Water under the bridge. Call me if you ever get bored, okay? Or want another tattoo. Whatever works. I'll see you around?"

"Yeah." He says with a smile.

…

He never did get his revenge against Sai for being a trash person but it's probably for the best. Itachi presumably did enough, and he wouldn't even say what he did. The poor bastard already looked stupid and got his feelings hurt, and Naruto relishes in the fact that Sai will always know that Sasuke Uchiha, millionaire playboy extraordinaire, dumped him because he was hung up on Naruto, the "help".

 **...**

Even though he considers Neji to be wrapped up in a nice little bow, he calls anyway, filling him in on details that weren't released to the public.

Neji sounds relieved. "I'm glad everything worked out for you, Naruto."

"I wouldn't say that, just yet."

Neji snorts. "I would. Call me back in a week when that changes. I love saying I told you so."

"That doesn't surprise me, like, at all."

A laugh, that rings like bells. "Shut up." he replies playfully.

 **...**

Sasuke knocks on his door exactly one week after Naruto says he needed time to think, down to the minute and wow, "Creepy much?"

He flinches ever so slightly. "I was…anxious." He says a little shyly, and Naruto dies a little inside.

"Fine, come in." He says, ushering him in with a dramatic sweep of a hand.

Naruto spots movement just beyond him and, yep, this is already going to be in the magazines tomorrow. Great.

It's fine though, for now at least, because Sasuke doesn't have to wear a baseball cap and sunglasses while taking six buses so he can sneak over Naruto's house anymore. He just rolls out the car and knocks like that's what he's always done. It's a nice switch.

For now, at least.

"You should move in with me!" Sasuke blurts out the minute the door is closed and ok, wow, straight to the point.

"What?" Naruto exclaims, thrown off.

Sasuke clears his throat awkwardly and starts again. "I...it will be easier to see you if we were...in the same place. Not to mention that my place has gates and security and now that people know who you are they might try to do something to you. So I thought that we should just...you know?" He trails off, uncertain.

"Uh, _I don't_ ," Naruto says slowly. "And jeez, you jumped right to cohabitation when I haven't even decided if i was going to make us instagram official or not."

And alright, so it was a joke, but Sasuke's face absolutely crashes to the floor and maybe that was not the right time to make it. Well, whatever, he gets to torture the guy a lil bit after everything.

"Shit, uh, you're right, I—" Sasuke starts sheepishly.

"No, stop, stop, it's fine. I was kidding. But before we even get into that you need to ask me to like, date you first." And the fact that he even has to say that is really, really sad in the scheme of things. The timeline of how they should be doing these things is all topsy-turvy.

"Are you going to say yes?" Sasuke asks, a little miffed and a little suspicious.

Naruto has to bite his lip to keep from smiling. "You gotta ask me first."

Sasuke narrows his eyes at him but concedes. "Date me."

No, absolutely not. Not after all his trials and tribulations. He's milking the hell out of this. "You're going to have to do better that that."

"Please date me."

"Again."

"Will you please date me?"

"Hmm…."

" _Naruto_." He says in that odd tone of voice he uses whenever Naruto getting…like he does. But he's not even doing anything right now!

Okay, maybe he is, but it's fun.

"I can do that too, you know. _Sasuke_."

Sasuke huffs, looking like he wants to stomp his foot in frustration, but refrains. He totally deserves it, though, which is probably why he's not kicking up a real fuss because he knows it.

"Will you please make me the happiest man on earth and all the planets combined by agreeing to go out with me and maybe move into my house if that doesn't freak you out so i can make you the _second_ happiest man on earth and we can raise our fucking cat together like we should have been doing a long time ago?"

That's more like it. "Yeah, sure." he says nonchalantly, topping it off with a shrug.

"Are you—" Sasuke starts, outraged, and Naruto kisses him to shut him up.


	7. Chapter 7

**VII**.

He actually does make it instagram official, after the fact, because they're millennials and that's what millennials do.

He almost swallows his own tongue when he sees that it got over half a million likes in less than an hour.

Is this what power feels like? Because, if so, it feels _good_.

"People are really rooting for us, huh?" He remarks casually, laying over Sasuke's legs on their (their!) couch on their first lazy Sunday together. "I mean, don't get me wrong, a lot of your fangirls wish me dead and curse my name but i've seen so many crying emojis and hearts today that its not even funny."

Sasuke rolls his eyes at him, petting absently at a preening Demon as he sits on his new favorite perch: the genuine leather armrest.

Naruto's surprised that Sasuke lets him sit up there because this couch must have cost more than Naruto's entire life but the other man seems content to let both him and cat have free reign of this space. He's not complaining, except he is a little because Sasuke's a clean freak (no way, right!?) and Naruto's um, not, so he gets picked on for leaving his shoes anywhere but up against the wall while the shed-happy cat with _claws_ gets to do whatever he wants and gets a belly rub for his troubles.

Can you tell he's really happy? Because he is.

It's gross.

And worrisome, because it took him another two weeks to decide if they should live together or not because he was concerned about this very thing happening.

Two weeks is too fast, you say? Oh well, get over it. This isn't the iliad, or some shit. You gotta be able to keep up!

Anyway, he's so caught up, floaty,and in _love_ but it's not always going to be like this, right? They're two very different people and aren't the most mature guys around so they're bound to have to friction, right? He doesn't know if he can handle this all going to shit again. But he caved and things are so, so good and he's just waiting for the other shoe to drop because what if Sasuke just decides they're too different? That he really wants to live the rockstar life and go hoe about like a madman? This all seems too good to be true. What if he wakes up and he doesn't want to live with him anymore? What if tomorrow he doesn't want _to be_ with him anymo—?

Sasuke pokes him in the forehead, forcing him to look up and dispel his thoughts.

"Stop overthinking it." He says sternly, and Naruto hates when he does the freaky mind-reading thing. "I don't care if the whole world's against us. You're mine, i'm yours, end of story."

"Aww, how cute." He says playfully, even though he feels like he can breathe again and that was more reassuring than it should have been.

Sasuke drops a kiss on his forehead and swipes Naruto's phone.

"Hey!"

"You've really got to stop looking at the comments, Naruto. _Never_ look at the comments."

Naruto reaches weakly to get his phone back, but he doesn't want to sit up from Sasuke's comfortable lap and the other man's arms are too long, anyway.

"What? I'm curious by nature."

"You're going to get your feelings hurt again. Did I tell you yesterday when you went through Twitter? Teenagers are cruel."

"I know, I need help." He replies mournfully, momentarily triggered by the memory of what he read on there.

But Sasuke's not paying attention, too busy narrowing his eyes at the screen and moving it closer to get a better look. He's quiet for a moment, considering, before he turns the screen back to Naruto.

"I can't tell if that's passive aggressive or not." Sasuke says carefully, pointing to the comment Neji just made underneath their picture together. It's a simple :), nothing more, and Naruto bursts into laughter.

"I think that's just his way of saying he's happy for us, Sasuke." He giggles. "And he's also telling me I told you so without having to say it. I'll explain later." He says after Sasuke looks confused.

"I guess."

"What happened between you guys, anyway? I think you owe me that story now."

Sasuke looks like he'd rather die than have to explain and it makes Naruto laugh even more.

"Please? C'mon! What could have possibly been so bad that you guys basically have a blood feud now?" He pleads, batting his eyelashes.

Sasuke huffs, but acquiesces. "Fine, fine. I hate you."

"A blatant lie."

Sasuke snorts. "Obviously."

For once, he doesn't feel the need to stomp down the warm-tingly that rises up at that.

"Tell me, tell me!" He begs, poking at Sasuke's stomach.

"I'm going to! Jeez!" He slaps his hand away. "Alright, so, when we on set—"

"Uh-huh, uh-huh." Naruto encourages. Sasuke stares daggers at him for interrupting, before angrily going on an epic rant.

"We were just, you know, talking, hanging around while we were taking breaks and I asked him what other directors inspired him. So he lists a lot of old names from like, a few decades ago and talks about how a lot of things he does are pretty old fashioned anyway. So, I made a joke— _a joke_ , Naruto—that it makes sense because he dresses like a old monk with the robes and all that, which, hearing it now sounds rude but it was a joke! He gets offended and tells me that the could "hook me up" with some of his "monks friends" that know some good remedies for hair repair and skincare because my hair apparently looks and feels like parchment paper and I was like what the hell? I was joking and he went and took it too far! There's nothing wrong with my hair! So I told _him_ that he needed to keep studying his idols because this movie was shaping up to be a college freshmen final and _he_ told me that my baritone sounded like a ship horn and so _I—_ "

"So...what I'm hearing is that you started it?" Naruto cuts in, too gleeful for words.

Sasuke's stops abruptly and he's at a loss for words for a moment, mouth opening and closing like fish.

"Okay, maybe I fucking did _but—_ " he starts again and Naruto's completely and utterly unsure about what the future will bring or how this will turn out. They still have _a lot_ of growing to do and a lot more to work out between them, and it's never going to be perfect, but watching him right now, so passionate and expressive and _goddamn cute_ for fuck's sake over possibly the dumbest thing he's ever heard, all Naruto can think is:

Yeah, they're gonna be alright.

 **End.**

Hello, everyone! I forgot to put a note at the start of the story so sorry about that! This was supposed to be a short little exercise to get me into writing again and I'm happy to say that it worked! It still ended up being a little longer than I wanted but that's okay. I hoped you all enjoyed this ridiculous drama as much as I did! Tell me what you think if you haven't already!

TheWonderYears.


End file.
